men

Men. I will never really understand them, but that probably goes without saying. Men don’t understand us, we don’t understand them. At this point, and since I am having so little luck with men recently, perhaps I should consider lesbianism. Just kidding. Lucky for you mom and dad, there is no chance in hell that would ever happen. Women kind of gross me out, men definitely do not, so that inherently tells me that the women option is out of the question for me. Bummer.

For some odd reason, I have this tendency to like younger men. I don’t mean 21 year old men, but men a few years younger than me (let’s just conveniently discount 21 here for a minute). No clue why this is, but I’m going to guess it is because most of my friends are younger than me, so the people I usually meet are younger than me too. Older men do not appeal to me at all. They are generally pretty boring, but maybe I am generalizing a bit too much. And the older men that I have dated don’t have their shit together anyway, so may as well go with a younger guy. Younger guys are just more fun and carefree than the older stooges.

There is an exception to that rule though. Let’s take Scantron, for instance. This guy is way older than me (by way I mean about 8.5 years). That is a bit much. Honestly, if he was a bit younger, I might consider it. However, he doesn’t act old and is a fun guy. Also, it is now blatantly obvious to me that he likes me. He shows this by way of gift giving on a daily basis, whether it be food, candy, Wizards tickets, you name it – he has probably tried to entice me to his cube that way. Recently, he has been emailing, facebooking, texting, and calling. Just the other day, I received this goldmine of a one-liner via email – “I feel like an old man enticing a little kid with candy!” Gold.

These are some pretty obvious signs. But of course, when someone likes me, what else would happen but me not liking them back. Scantron’s personality is great, but I am just not as attracted to him as I should be. Maybe it’s because he is so much older than me. At least he is older and fun though, so maybe I should give him a chance. [P.S. I am NOT giving him this blog information because I want to continue to write about him in the future…there is just too much good material there.]

Speaking of dating younger guys, Mo just sent me this article about pumas. Pumas, if you don’t know already, are one step down from a cougar. According to the article, pumas are “cougars in training.” A puma is a woman in her 30’s and a cougar is a woman in her 40’s. Thankfully, I have not yet hit cougar status, and don’t plan to. And I don’t want to call myself a puma, because I certainly do not limit myself to dating any race or age, but am I? If you generally date guys 2-3 years younger than yourself, does that make you a puma?  I hope not.

I am just not meeting anyone of substance these days. So, I am now officially considering doing eHarmony. Call me crazy, but I am definitely past the casual relationship thing (which you will find on match.com…or perhaps on craigslist casual encounters). eHarmony is something for those who are more relationship oriented. That would be me. It has also recently come to my attention that some of my guy friends are actually on there, so that means there are normal guys on it! And again, if nothing else, I will obviously get some good blogging material from signing up. It all goes back to the blog.

cube visits

Married Guy just stopped by my cube.  Scantron was here earlier.

Nicknames

For all you single ladies out there, does anyone nickname the guys they are talking to or who play some role in their lives?  I’ve done it ever since I was young.  In fact, growing up, my sisters and I would go camping and bike riding frequently.  When biking on the trails, we’d sometimes see a fine young fellow who appealed to us, and when we did, we’d coin him a “flat tire” so he wouldn’t think we were talking about him. “FLAT TIRE!” we’d scream out, as if he couldn’t see that we didn’t have a flat tire.  Those were the days.  Over the years, we’ve come up with more creative nicknames for boys.  I’ll just go down the list with some recent clever ones that come to mind:

1. Scantron: Scantron works in my office, and I think it’s safe to say that he’s developed a bit of a crush.  He went on a trip to New Orleans and brought me back a pencil that says “New Orleans” on it.  So, immediately Felipe started calling him #2, which gradually progressed to Scantron.  He just brought me a cd to listen to, and has been tempting me over to his desk with some dry roasted edamame.  He knows my weaknesses!
2. Tool: Tool was named by a former co-worker, we’re calling her Laura for purposes of this blog.  Tool works with Married Guy, and when he first started I thought he was cute.  So I relayed this to Laura, and she knows the type that I am attracted to (tools) but hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing him yet.  So one day she’s walking downstairs to go to lunch, and sees this new young guy walk by her who fits the description of the cute guy I had described.  He’s wearing white sunglasses, but doesn’t have them perched on the top of his head like a normal person would.  Instead, they are perched awkwardly on his forehead, possibly so he can look cool.  So, she immediately thought he was a tool because not only was he wearing white sunglasses, but he had them perched on his forehead.  Ever since then, we’ve called him Tool.  And knowing that one of my friends doesn’t like someone immediately means that I don’t like him anymore either, so that possibility was killed on contact.
3. Married Guy: I don’t know what it is, but black guys have some sort of radar for white girls who are open to dating black guys.  Married Guy would walk by my cube almost daily and stare in at me, and I thought he was hot.  So finally one day, Laura so kindly went and talked to a mutual friend to get the scoop on him.  Turns out he’s married, but he’s telling this mutual friend that I am hot and and he wants to get to know me?  What is wrong with men?  So of course I tell him to get lost and he disappears for a few months, only to resurface recently.  I think his friend Tool is cute, so agree we can do a happy hour or something in the future.  Married Guy was featured in a previous blog post.
4. Plant Guy: He watered the plants at my old job.  Every Friday he would come in and rave about my plant and how “beautiful” I was (don’t you love when guys call you “beautiful,” ladies? I immediately know they are trying to get some ass with that comment).  I tend to be nice to people so would chat him up like I would to anyone.  Next thing I know, I’m leaving the job and Plant Guy gets me this gift and a card with this message about how in love with me he is and how he will miss me.  He leaves his telephone number and address hoping I will call him.  Plant Guy was sweet.
5. Rico: This actually is his real name (I think).  Being that he lied to me about moving to Colombia, I’m going to guess that his name is actually fictitious as well, so included it in the list.  Felipe likes to call him , since he’s skinny as all hell.  He told me he just had a high metabolism, but turns out he’s a stoner.  I know how to pick ’em.
6. Hot Friend Phil: Hot Friend Phil is best friends with my ex.  I met Hot Friend Phil and my ex at the same time. Initially, I had no interest whatsoever in my ex.  But Hot Friend Phil was charismatic and obviously hot so I was maybe hoping something would happen with him, even though it was clear my ex liked me.  A few months later, ex and I started dating.  Which reminds me that today is actually ex’s birthday; I should probably give him a shout.

I know there are more out there, but those are the most recent ones that immediately come to mind.  If anyone can think of others I’ve missed, feel free to share and I will update the post.  Isn’t nicknaming fun?