guess that person

April 21, 2013

Ran the GW Parkway 10 miler this morning. Amazing run, highly recommend. I have been wanting to do it for as long as I can remember, but weddings or some other travel had prevented me from participating. Sadly, I wasn’t able to train for it. However, this week I was able to convince a friend who had also not trained to run it with me and we did very well considering.

I was just telling someone about the run. Although said person has asked to remain nameless, some of you may be able to guess who it is. Here was the conversation:

Sara: It was great, but my IT bands really hurt during the run.
Mystery Person: Well, could you take them off?

On that note, maybe I’ll go ice the IT bands. Or, I could just take them off.

Sara

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twitter

April 2, 2013

I finally created a twitter account! Please follow me @saraphhh
#iamawesome #lml #upat5amtodothis #notsurewhy #datingindcsucks #hashtagsareweird #butithinkimfinallygettingthehangofit

Okay maybe not. Back to bed!

Love always,
Sara


shock and awe

February 8, 2013

I obviously need to blog more. And I obviously need to post more pleas for help, advice, goods, and materials on this blog. Because guess what? Someone bought me Mumford tickets.

Shock and awe.

This is how it went down. I woke up this morning, oddly before my alarm went off. I shut my alarm off; my alarm as of late has been the Sleep Cycle app. Each morning when I awake it asks me what kind of mood I’m in when I wake up, providing one of three options: 1) green smiley face, 2) yellow somber face, or 3) red angry face. I am not a morning person, so it’s generally a yellow and on occasion, red. I should have known something good was in store because my first inclination was to choose green. Odd considering my sleep quality for the night was only 66%, but that’s besides the point and we don’t need to debate the merits of this app here.

After waking up on the right side of the bed, I did my usual routine – check all email inboxes, twitter, Facebook, and foursquare while lying in bed. This generally takes about 15 minutes and always means that I will be running around at the very last minute trying to get out the door. All because I didn’t set my alarm early enough to plan for the 15 minutes utilized to check every possible social media outlet prior to getting out of bed. Again, besides the point.

I make it to my gmail account and find a number of messages. A never ending email thread from a friend (JK) containing random banter. An email from Dave asking how bad the damage was (he apparently read my blog and wanted more info – whoops, thought his mom told him). Then, another email that simply read:

Happy birthday elder Barber.

Love,
Ant

Two attachments were included with the email.

My first thought upon reading this was that Ant was playing one of her usual jokes on me, so I’d open it to find something utterly absurd, hilarious, and very characteristic of Ant.

My second thought was to question whether it was actually my birthday. I honestly had to contemplate this. Not surprising considering last weekend I couldn’t remember my own age. Picture this. After a wonderful day of skiing, a couple of us wound up at a bar on Capitol Hill to catch the Superbowl. A friend, Sally, and I were randomly talking about another friend of ours who we’ve known for years but always seems to remain the same age. Jokingly, she said that she’s always known him to be 37. But he can’t still be 37! Sally then asked me how old I was, to which I responded “33.” But, I began to question my own response. Am I 33? This led me into straight up panic mode. First, because I couldn’t remember my own age. Second, because it was starting to dawn on me that my initial response was likely incorrect – I may actually be 34. I even texted Mo for confirmation.

Sara: How old am I?
Mo: Old.

Awesome. Not receiving confirmation from Mo, I was forced to do the math: birthdate minus current date. The inevitable was then confirmed – I am 34. Continue freakout mode and the realization that I am edging ever so close to 35.

Back to the issue at hand. After first thinking it was a typical Ant joke, then questioning whether or not it was my birthday, I proceeded to open the email to find two floor seats to the Wednesday Mumford show.

Hold up, I think. This was too improbable and cannot possibly be real. These tickets are running at $250 a pop right now on Stubhub. So my third thought, since I was still in bed and groggy:

Am I still dreaming/sleeping?

After staring in amazement and pure awe at the tickets, opening both attachments, and re-reading said email, it did indeed appear to be true. Ant had sent me two tickets to see Mumford on Wednesday night. Not only that, but they are coveted floor seats. All as a birthday gift, and my birthday is not until August (I think).

Currently, I am floating on a cloud of excitement. After a week of hell at work, this really takes the cake. What a day so far. I don’t even know what to say or how I could ever repay Ant for this amazing gift. I’ve already blocked out my Wednesday afternoon so that my friend and I can get to the Patriot Center early for a prime spot. So. Damn. Excited.

Thank you Ant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how I could ever repay you for this. Simply amazing.


concert plea

February 7, 2013

No one’s come forward to give me Mumford tickets. What’s up with that?


The Jean and Dave wedding

February 6, 2013

Wow. It is with great happiness that I announce the wedding of my sibling, Jean, and Dave. Okay, it was two weeks ago, so I’m a little late. But I’d just like to once again give credit where credit is due…it was Jean and Dave who prompted me to start this blog. Thank you, bro and sis. And now, they are happily married. My blog readers thank you and congratulate you on this happy union.

Now, what can I say about the wedding. So much…but yet, so little at the same time. So much happened, and the whole weekend was so fun that I managed to write out a list of all funny things that happened for fear that I, Sara, would forget them all in due time. I did this because I can pretty much guarantee that in no less than 3 months, many memories will be lost. I have the worst memory of all time. I say “so little,” because I mayyyy have overindulged a bit at the reception. A lot of the end of it is blurry. I remember going crazy when the song “Paso,” by Sak Noel came on. Meaning, I was literally jumping around as though I was at a Sak Noel concert. I remember my toast, and Liv’s. I vaguely recall a bus ride back to the hotel and gazing up at the full moon saying that it meant something crazy was going to happen (nothing crazy happened to me specifically, but that sure did come true for others). Then, thankfully, I stopped drinking. Oh wait – a couple of pictures of me at the hotel bar show me drinking PBR, albeit painfully. Anyway, it must not have been much because the next day I realized I had left my credit card at the bar with an amazingly high $5.23 bar tab. Why did I move to DC?

Now, I can’t post everything that happened at the wedding on the blog, you crazy kids. Some of it is G rated, and some of it…R. Actually, is there a rating higher than R? Because that is what I would rate this wedding at. Those implicated will remain nameless, of course. Because what happens in Middletown, CT….stays in Middletown, CT. And that is all I can say about that. If any friends who were at the wedding would like to see my own personal list of wedding memories, please contact me and I will provide the list on an as requested basis. Thank you.

That being said, for my other sister’s wedding last summer, Liv, I posted her wedding toast. I figured I’d give Jean and Dave that same honor here by posting my toast for their wedding. So here you go…

Thank you John.

John was our DJ, and ironically, friend from home. I was even more tipsy for this toast than I was Liv’s, if that is possible, but I am pretty sure I said this again.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jean’s older sister, Sara.

Insert loud cheers from crowd. I wasn’t expecting this, so I ad libbed…

Okay, everyone knows me.

I don’t have an ego at all.

First, I’d like to thank everyone for braving the cold and the distance to spend this amazing day with Jean and Dave.  This has been a much anticipated wedding celebration, so we have a lot of expectations to live up to (no pressure).

Not kidding about it being much anticipated. Ever since the Jean and Dave engagement last year, we knew we were in for a wedding treat.

As many of you know, Jean has quite the strong personality.  She knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it, and she knows how to go about getting it.  She also has no problem saying exactly what’s on her mind.  For example, one time Jean was visiting me in DC before she moved there.  I introduced her to my neighbor (neighbor Paul), and Jean, being a dentist, immediately noticed that he had a crooked front tooth.  By way of introduction, she said “hello,” and then followed up with “you know, I can fix number 10 for you.”  Something you say to someone immediately upon meeting them. 

Dave’s a bit different.  He’s more calculated in all his activities.  He also has a much more calming nature about him.  He’s not an intense person like Jean, but rather, he knows how to calm her down in intense situations.  So while they have many similar interests, I think it’s their different personalities that attract them to one another.  Their opposing personalities also make them better people together.  Jean has taught Dave organization, structure, and promptness.  And amazingly, I think that Dave’s calming nature has rubbed off on my sister.  

Take, for example, a recent event some of you may have seen described on Jean’s Facebook status.  On the drive up from DC for the wedding, we had a bit of a mishap. On the top of our car there was a carrier that held all of their ski gear and other items.  While driving along I-95, we suddenly realized something was amiss with the carrier, so pulled over on the highway.  Dave got out to investigate, only to discover that he had neglected to lock said carrier.  Defeated, he got back into the car, sat down, and stared blankly ahead.  He then informed us that Jean’s ski bag, which contained two of her favorite pairs of boots, was gone.  He looked like he was going to cry, and frankly – looked a little bit scared.  Expecting the worst, I braced myself for the imminent wrath of Jean.  But, I was pleasantly surprised.  Jean, realizing that Dave obviously didn’t do this on purpose, and that the only reason for this occurrence was him being extremely overtired, miraculously said “it’s okay.” “It’s okay?!”  I was seeing a whole new side of Jean.  The pre-Dave Jean would have lost her temper and yelled, but my sister was instead even tempered and…calm…patient.  She was taking on the role of Dave!

So as I’m telling this story, I’m looking at the audience but also at Jean and Dave. Mid-story, I see Dave gesturing to add something to the story that was not prepared. Not wanting to mess up my flow, i.e. eff up the speech, I did not say this. But what Dave was trying to get me to say was that the reason the carrier was left open in the first place was because I had asked him for the keys to go back inside to help Jean bring the rest of our items out to the car. Normally, Dave leaves the key in the carrier while loading it up and then locks it before closing the lid. Well, since there was no key in the carrier when he went to shut it this time (because I had it), naturally, he was insinuating that it was my fault the lid was not locked. He wasn’t going to blame it on me, but he just wanted to let me know that was the reason. As only a true bother should. Carrying on…

Of course I say these things about my sister, but she’s my best friend.  We are super close and have been all our lives.  To that end, I am overjoyed that she’s found someone who makes her a better person and who treats her like the amazing individual that she is.  And I can’t say enough good things about Dave, or “bro” as I have been calling him ever since they got engaged.  I couldn’t have asked for my sister to have found a better person, and I know Dave will treat Jean right for the rest of their lives. 

And with that, I’d like to offer a toast. 

To Jean and Dave.  That they lead a lifetime of happiness in their marriage, that they remain the best of friends, treat each other with respect and dignity, and continue to love, trust, and cherish one another as a happily married couple should.

Okay, I just realized that I can’t end this post here. There are actually far too many ridiculous memories that actually are bloggable that I can post here. I will tease you with a few now:

  1. Standing at the alter, the deacon opens with “We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Sss….. (awkward pause) Jean, and Dave.” Wait, WHAT?! Did I just hear correctly? Did she almost say MY name rather than my sisters? Gathering from the look of Dave, and his best man right behind him, who were both looking at me with a “did that really just happen” look of pure amazement, I did not imagine that. She almost married me to Dave. Mind you, this is mid-ceremony. But the look on Dave’s face as well as the look on the best man’s face led me to naturally burst out in laughter…at the alter. It was like being in church back in the day when me and my sisters could not stop laughing, even though we knew it was entirely not appropriate to laugh at that moment. But this wasn’t just like I was sitting in a pew during a Sunday service. I was in the spotlight, at the alter….and I could NOT STOP LAUGHING. Thanks Dave for the look on your face that led to my uncontrolable laughter. It wasn’t until Liv started punching me from behind that I realized I needed to get a grip. Does someone have this on video?
  2. Wedding party being introduced to the reception hall to Gangham Style. Wouldn’t have been my first choice in songs, but, guys…this was good. At least, my tipsy ass thought it was good at the time. Each couple walked in doing their own dance. My favorite was probably the one in which our friend Stephen and M walked in normally but then halfway started doing the ridiculous dance that Stephen is infamously known for. I can’t even describe how ridiculous the dance it, but trust me on this one – it’s ridiculous. Something between the Elaine Sienfeld flailing arm thing combined with this odd kicking motion. After each couple rolled in hot, we slapped hands walking down the entire (9 person deep) wedding party line like we were coming in from the baseball field. It was then that I knew….this was going to be a fun wedding.
  3. Ant’s toast. If you were there, I need not say more. This was hands down the best wedding toast I have ever witnessed. Heartfelt, hilarious, not too short or long, with props…this thing could not be beat. Ant is introduced, but doesn’t jump up from a table. Instead, she makes an entrance by opening the front door to the reception hall dressed as 5th grade Jean. Mind you, Jean had the biggest “shark” in school. For whatever reason, when we were growing up at the time it was very popular for girls to hairspray their bangs straight up into the air as high as possible, looking similar to a shark fin. So Ant strolls into the reception hall upon introduction with rolled up jeans, a silk shirt, a tie….and the shark. That in itself was amazing. But the toast was hilarious and awe-inspiring. Thank you Ant for the amazing toast. It will never be forgotten.
  4. Similar to Liv’s wedding, and many thanks to John, we literally just danced our asses off for three hours. Some good stuff there. I recall some solid dance offs between characters of all ages from both sides of the family. And I wouldn’t recall this but for pictures, but at one point a few people decided to lift the bride off the floor into a plank-like, dirty dancing type situation.
  5. I also recall honestly contemplating with Elle doing a wedding party pyramid at 9pm sharp. All we needed to do was send the pyramid hand signal to John that we were ready to go, and we’d create the biggest pyramid of all time in wedding attire. What more could a bride ask for? Sadly, this did not happen until about 1am at the hotel bar, but the entire wedding party was not included. The bride did end up on the top and we have the picture to prove it. Good stuff right there.
  6. This last bullet has nothing to do with the actual wedding ceremony. But it does have to do with the carrier. Full circle. For a reason still unbenounced to me, my sister and Dave wanted good old Sara to drive them to the airport in Newark to see them off on their honeymoon. This would then require me to continue to drive their car back to DC. Thinking I’d be driving an automatic vehicle when I agreed to this, I said yes. But, I was stuck with Dave’s father’s stick shift. Mind you, I can drive a stick shift. Or at least, I could back in high school. I’m not sure what happened over a 15 year span, but let’s just say…I’m a little rusty. Highway action was fine, but when I finally got back to DC, blame it on being hungover from the wedding, blame it on exhaustion, whatever…I was stalling all over the place. To make matters worse, I had to parallel park it at my place by backing uphill into the parking spot. This consisted of me finally edging in, but not far enough back. I was literally leveraging the car in front of me by using it to prevent me from rolling down the hill while I attempted to reverse, but not too fast for fear of hitting the car behind me. Before being on the verge of tears, I gave up and left the car parked way too close to (i.e. touching) the car in front of me and also way too far away from the curb (so pretty much in the middle of the road). Panicking that I wouldn’t be able to get out in the morning, I called Dave’s parents to see if they could come get the car. To no avail. I was left with the car and had to drive it to work the next morning. Which wouldn’t be a big deal except that I forgot the carrier was on top of the car. So picture Sara moseying along to work, no stalls yet at all so I’m happy. I peel into the parking garage at full speed, forgetting that the carrier is on top of the car, and not noticing how low the garage ceiling is. You see where this is going. Car goes into garage, car and carrier manage to somehow squeeze through the short distance between ground and ceiling. After I get into the garage, I think maybe some ice has fallen off the top and that’s what the odd noise was. But that’s when I realize….I just scraped the carrier on the top of the garage. Just awesome. I proceed to stall about 5 times before parking the car. Luckily no major damage and Dave’s parents were able to extract the vehicle and carrier from the garage without incident, and then the thing was out of my hair. Just some more fun in parking garages with Sara.

And with that, I will end this blog post. Guys, this wedding was so much fun. Weddings as of late have been fun, but it is hard to get such an anticipated celebration to actually live up to the hype. Well, this actually exceeded expectations. I am still amazed that so many of our friends were able to make the treck from all over for this awesome celebration. It was so great to have our family and friends all gathered in one place at the same time. In the words of Elle, “this wedding topped all Dewey trips and NYE 2009 combined.” I didn’t think that was possible. Thank you.

Did I get married? haha


she’s back

September 25, 2012

…on okcupid. Just checked my messages, and I received one from a dark haired lad, self-attested at 6’2″. It simply says:

Hoi.

Short, sweet, and to the point – if you understand Pig Latin. Simply for blog material, I chose to respond:

What is that – a new language I’m not aware of?

Why not play along with these idiots.

Okay, goodnight.

– Sara


guest blog post

September 19, 2012

Clearly, I need to get back into online dating immediately. And yes, it would only be for the blog. Because I’d like to introduce another new friend to the blog. We stole her from ABG. She moved to DC from Arlington and now I’d like to indoctrinate her into UBG as soon as possible, because she’s actually kind of cool (unlike the rest of ABG). For those who don’t recall, UBG is the U Street Bike Gang which I and 15 others are a member of. ABG is our competitor, the Arlington Bike Gang. They don’t roll as deep but they may be a little more serious about biking. Anyway, this new friend (or acquaintance, depending upon how you look at it) also bikes so that is a plus; we need more serious bikers in UBG to compete with ABG. But I’m digressing yet again. Allow me to introduce Gwyneth. Gwyneth, welcome, and thank you thank you THANK YOU for this material.

Gwyneth was catching up on my blog and upon reading it, realized she has very similar online dating material. In fact, just two days ago, she received a very compelling email from a guy she went on an hour long date with. His blog name will be Jonathob (see below). You see, Gwyneth didn’t really feel any chemistry with Jonathob so immediately put the kabosh on the date without further adieu. And with good reason. Take for example this string of text messages sent after said date, which generated absolutely no response from Gwyneth but yet still drew more text messages from him.

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Correct me of I’m wrong, ladies, but isn’t it common practice to just not respond to someone whom you went on an hour long date with and were not interested in? Granted, it would be nice to respond with an “I’m not interested,” but that is awkward and weird. Better to just ignore the text. However, when you start to get text bombed like this, you may want to just respond with a simple “unsubscribe,” or maybe even my old time favorite that can be utilized when you no longer want to be included in a group text, “STOP.”

But it doesn’t end here. After not responding to ANY of the above text messages, Gwyneth received the following email from Jonathob. She received this little piece of heaven not a week, not one month, but two…I repeat, TWO months after their date. Clearly, she made an impression on him.

Hi. So, I was just reflecting on my recent experiences on this website, and I just wanted to say I think it’s kind of lame that we didn’t meet up again. It seemed like we both had a really good time when we met up. I’m pretty hilarious, and even though you are way too serious about everything, it seemed like you liked sudoku, which is obviously very important.
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Wait, WHAT. There is so much going on in that last sentence that we must take a minute to reflect.
  • I’m pretty hilarious [does not necessitate commentary]
  • You are way too serious about everything [way to throw down the compliments buddy! That’ll get a girl!]
  • Even though you are way too serious about life, you like sudoku. [I had no idea playing sudoku wins points in the eyes of the opposite sex. Will start playing tomorrow.]

Let’s continue.

My current working theory on why you didn’t respond to my texts was that you may be one of those people with weird rules, like don’t right [really?] after meeting, wait X days, etc. I don’t really care for that type of rule — I can tell pretty quickly if I like someone or not — so I don’t see the point of playing the waiting game. I was in a bit of a weird place though at that time, so I probably came off overly aggressive in my texts, though I think that was mainly because I am pretty sensitive and took it personally when I didn’t hear back. I wouldn’t be interested in dating somebody who couldn’t take ten seconds to tell me they liked meeting me, but we still could have met up as friends afterwards (not to imply you’re not hot, just that you’re probably not sensitive enough about other people for me.
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It’s common practice for people to analyze why someone didn’t call them back or to guess what happened, but Jonathob chose to actually vocalize it to the person who was doing the ignoring. Does he think this email will get him somewhere? Perhaps garner a response? What exactly was the point of this email?
.
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Generally, I feel like my opinion about things is usually right, and I want to improve the world, and make people think, so I am happy to broadcast it.
.
Oh! He’s trying to make the world a better place. He is usually right, and obviously he is right by demanding that Gwyneth respond to his texts and emails. I bet when she didn’t respond to this email, it simply infuriated him more.
.
I’m not expecting a response and I’m not planning to write again, I just feel like it’s lame that two people who seemed to enjoy meeting up couldn’t do so again for whatever reason.
Good luck with stuff. I did enjoy meeting you, even though I think your text-ignoring behavior was pretty lame. And I hope this message finds you well and doesn’t come across as sour grapes or anything weird, just figured I’d share my two cents, because I am full of riches and I enjoy being a beacon of light in the world.
-Jonathob
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And this, folks, is just another example of what we women have to look forward to dating in DC. Hilarious, sensitive, soduko loving beacons of light just trying to make the world a better place by responding to a text message.
.
I’ll get back on okcupid tomorrow.