she’s back

September 25, 2012

…on okcupid. Just checked my messages, and I received one from a dark haired lad, self-attested at 6’2″. It simply says:


Short, sweet, and to the point – if you understand Pig Latin. Simply for blog material, I chose to respond:

What is that – a new language I’m not aware of?

Why not play along with these idiots.

Okay, goodnight.

– Sara


guest blog post

September 19, 2012

Clearly, I need to get back into online dating immediately. And yes, it would only be for the blog. Because I’d like to introduce another new friend to the blog. We stole her from ABG. She moved to DC from Arlington and now I’d like to indoctrinate her into UBG as soon as possible, because she’s actually kind of cool (unlike the rest of ABG). For those who don’t recall, UBG is the U Street Bike Gang which I and 15 others are a member of. ABG is our competitor, the Arlington Bike Gang. They don’t roll as deep but they may be a little more serious about biking. Anyway, this new friend (or acquaintance, depending upon how you look at it) also bikes so that is a plus; we need more serious bikers in UBG to compete with ABG. But I’m digressing yet again. Allow me to introduce Gwyneth. Gwyneth, welcome, and thank you thank you THANK YOU for this material.

Gwyneth was catching up on my blog and upon reading it, realized she has very similar online dating material. In fact, just two days ago, she received a very compelling email from a guy she went on an hour long date with. His blog name will be Jonathob (see below). You see, Gwyneth didn’t really feel any chemistry with Jonathob so immediately put the kabosh on the date without further adieu. And with good reason. Take for example this string of text messages sent after said date, which generated absolutely no response from Gwyneth but yet still drew more text messages from him.




Correct me of I’m wrong, ladies, but isn’t it common practice to just not respond to someone whom you went on an hour long date with and were not interested in? Granted, it would be nice to respond with an “I’m not interested,” but that is awkward and weird. Better to just ignore the text. However, when you start to get text bombed like this, you may want to just respond with a simple “unsubscribe,” or maybe even my old time favorite that can be utilized when you no longer want to be included in a group text, “STOP.”

But it doesn’t end here. After not responding to ANY of the above text messages, Gwyneth received the following email from Jonathob. She received this little piece of heaven not a week, not one month, but two…I repeat, TWO months after their date. Clearly, she made an impression on him.

Hi. So, I was just reflecting on my recent experiences on this website, and I just wanted to say I think it’s kind of lame that we didn’t meet up again. It seemed like we both had a really good time when we met up. I’m pretty hilarious, and even though you are way too serious about everything, it seemed like you liked sudoku, which is obviously very important.
Wait, WHAT. There is so much going on in that last sentence that we must take a minute to reflect.
  • I’m pretty hilarious [does not necessitate commentary]
  • You are way too serious about everything [way to throw down the compliments buddy! That’ll get a girl!]
  • Even though you are way too serious about life, you like sudoku. [I had no idea playing sudoku wins points in the eyes of the opposite sex. Will start playing tomorrow.]

Let’s continue.

My current working theory on why you didn’t respond to my texts was that you may be one of those people with weird rules, like don’t right [really?] after meeting, wait X days, etc. I don’t really care for that type of rule — I can tell pretty quickly if I like someone or not — so I don’t see the point of playing the waiting game. I was in a bit of a weird place though at that time, so I probably came off overly aggressive in my texts, though I think that was mainly because I am pretty sensitive and took it personally when I didn’t hear back. I wouldn’t be interested in dating somebody who couldn’t take ten seconds to tell me they liked meeting me, but we still could have met up as friends afterwards (not to imply you’re not hot, just that you’re probably not sensitive enough about other people for me.
It’s common practice for people to analyze why someone didn’t call them back or to guess what happened, but Jonathob chose to actually vocalize it to the person who was doing the ignoring. Does he think this email will get him somewhere? Perhaps garner a response? What exactly was the point of this email?
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Generally, I feel like my opinion about things is usually right, and I want to improve the world, and make people think, so I am happy to broadcast it.
Oh! He’s trying to make the world a better place. He is usually right, and obviously he is right by demanding that Gwyneth respond to his texts and emails. I bet when she didn’t respond to this email, it simply infuriated him more.
I’m not expecting a response and I’m not planning to write again, I just feel like it’s lame that two people who seemed to enjoy meeting up couldn’t do so again for whatever reason.
Good luck with stuff. I did enjoy meeting you, even though I think your text-ignoring behavior was pretty lame. And I hope this message finds you well and doesn’t come across as sour grapes or anything weird, just figured I’d share my two cents, because I am full of riches and I enjoy being a beacon of light in the world.
And this, folks, is just another example of what we women have to look forward to dating in DC. Hilarious, sensitive, soduko loving beacons of light just trying to make the world a better place by responding to a text message.
I’ll get back on okcupid tomorrow.


September 18, 2012

I want to know why I’ve been saying “dude” so much recently. Usually it’s to make a point, and for some reason I feel like I’m saying it to just one person who I tend to speak with often. Allow me to introduce my friend Amy to the blog, this is her first appearance. “Dude, get this…” “Dude, didn’t I email you about this already?” “Dude, I think I broke my foot.” Things of that substance and nature.

Sorry that was a sidebar.

What I meant to tell you is that now that my windows are open and I’m getting a whiff of this wonderfully humid air (it’s 93% right now just so you know), I also now hear everything outside my window. Granted I live in the woods and there is not too much going on out there besides that random mountain lion howl. My neighbors now, naturally, are smokers. So yesterday I was able to get a sniff of their cigarette smoke like the good old days. However, DUDE, I swear…a helicopter, airplane, or some flying object literally almost hit this building. It was so loud going by that I thought for sure it was going to crash into it and I was going to die. I saw my life flash before my eyes just now. Literally.

But dude, I made it. Will continue to sip on some wine on my new couch. Such a relief.

ditziest Barber?

September 17, 2012

For the past month or so, with the weather getting cooler, I’ve been opening most of the ten windows in my apartment to get some air flowing throughout the house. Working from home today (win), I just went out to drop off some recyclables only to walk back and notice that even though my windows were open, there were indeed storm windows down, i.e – no airflow was running through the screen and thus the apartment. I only noticed this because I saw the reflection of the glass upon walking in. After realizing that I was indeed at the correct building, I deduced that for the past month, even though I had the windows open, I was NOT getting fresh air due to the storm windows being down. Wow. I never cease to amaze myself.

Laying on my new couch now, enjoying the fresh air, and just taking in this newfound tranquility. Phhhhhhh