shock and awe

February 8, 2013

I obviously need to blog more. And I obviously need to post more pleas for help, advice, goods, and materials on this blog. Because guess what? Someone bought me Mumford tickets.

Shock and awe.

This is how it went down. I woke up this morning, oddly before my alarm went off. I shut my alarm off; my alarm as of late has been the Sleep Cycle app. Each morning when I awake it asks me what kind of mood I’m in when I wake up, providing one of three options: 1) green smiley face, 2) yellow somber face, or 3) red angry face. I am not a morning person, so it’s generally a yellow and on occasion, red. I should have known something good was in store because my first inclination was to choose green. Odd considering my sleep quality for the night was only 66%, but that’s besides the point and we don’t need to debate the merits of this app here.

After waking up on the right side of the bed, I did my usual routine – check all email inboxes, twitter, Facebook, and foursquare while lying in bed. This generally takes about 15 minutes and always means that I will be running around at the very last minute trying to get out the door. All because I didn’t set my alarm early enough to plan for the 15 minutes utilized to check every possible social media outlet prior to getting out of bed. Again, besides the point.

I make it to my gmail account and find a number of messages. A never ending email thread from a friend (JK) containing random banter. An email from Dave asking how bad the damage was (he apparently read my blog and wanted more info – whoops, thought his mom told him). Then, another email that simply read:

Happy birthday elder Barber.


Two attachments were included with the email.

My first thought upon reading this was that Ant was playing one of her usual jokes on me, so I’d open it to find something utterly absurd, hilarious, and very characteristic of Ant.

My second thought was to question whether it was actually my birthday. I honestly had to contemplate this. Not surprising considering last weekend I couldn’t remember my own age. Picture this. After a wonderful day of skiing, a couple of us wound up at a bar on Capitol Hill to catch the Superbowl. A friend, Sally, and I were randomly talking about another friend of ours who we’ve known for years but always seems to remain the same age. Jokingly, she said that she’s always known him to be 37. But he can’t still be 37! Sally then asked me how old I was, to which I responded “33.” But, I began to question my own response. Am I 33? This led me into straight up panic mode. First, because I couldn’t remember my own age. Second, because it was starting to dawn on me that my initial response was likely incorrect – I may actually be 34. I even texted Mo for confirmation.

Sara: How old am I?
Mo: Old.

Awesome. Not receiving confirmation from Mo, I was forced to do the math: birthdate minus current date. The inevitable was then confirmed – I am 34. Continue freakout mode and the realization that I am edging ever so close to 35.

Back to the issue at hand. After first thinking it was a typical Ant joke, then questioning whether or not it was my birthday, I proceeded to open the email to find two floor seats to the Wednesday Mumford show.

Hold up, I think. This was too improbable and cannot possibly be real. These tickets are running at $250 a pop right now on Stubhub. So my third thought, since I was still in bed and groggy:

Am I still dreaming/sleeping?

After staring in amazement and pure awe at the tickets, opening both attachments, and re-reading said email, it did indeed appear to be true. Ant had sent me two tickets to see Mumford on Wednesday night. Not only that, but they are coveted floor seats. All as a birthday gift, and my birthday is not until August (I think).

Currently, I am floating on a cloud of excitement. After a week of hell at work, this really takes the cake. What a day so far. I don’t even know what to say or how I could ever repay Ant for this amazing gift. I’ve already blocked out my Wednesday afternoon so that my friend and I can get to the Patriot Center early for a prime spot. So. Damn. Excited.

Thank you Ant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how I could ever repay you for this. Simply amazing.


new development

April 18, 2011

Guess what guys. Hot Married Yoga Instructor is officially divorced. Which would partially explain his flirty nature and why he does not wear a wedding ring. No idea how long he has been on the market again, however, Mo the master investigator informed me of this development over the weekend. And it came from official sources. Let’s keep in mind that I did just see him and his wife at the Meridian Hill Park drum circle last fall, so this must be a more recent development.

Game on.

Okay I’m just kidding. Even though he is ridiculously flirty, he actually has groupies because of his English accent, sense of humor, and hands on approach to yoga. Girls wear makeup to his classes. So I am not the only woman who had/has a minor crush on this guy. Knowing he was married, of course, I gave up on the crush; so I just say whatever and treat him as any other yoga instructor. But this is not just any other yoga instructor, folks. This is Hot Divorced Yoga Instructor.

We’ll see how class goes tonight with this late breaking development in mind.

Mo on Dating

April 1, 2011

Mo is giving me some good material to run with today (clearly I’m getting a ton of work done). Upon finding an article about the female condom on DCist, she gave me this gem:

Sara: How does the female condom work?
Mo: No idea. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

We then proceeded to discuss a second date she has tonight with someone from okcupid. I could tell she was not overly excited about the evening. Her take?

Who knows. At least I’m not entirely disgusted by this guy.

Ladies…is this what dating in DC has come to? Sadly, I think it has. At least I’m not entirely disgusted by the guy. Hey, if he doesn’t repulse me, maybe I’ll go out with him again! This is what the female population is dealing with folks. Godspeed.


April 1, 2011

I’ve really enjoyed saying that recently. A simple statement that means so much. hello. I’ve gone so long without posting that I figured I’d just post something random; stream of consciousness if you will. A couple points I’d like to just get out of the way off the bat:

  1. I have an uncanny ability of running into the last person in the world I want to see at the time when I would least like to see them. Does this happen to others as it does to me? Last week I broke down and called New Guy. Yes, New Guy who I dated about a year ago and who I haven’t spoken to in months. Why I called him I have no idea, I suppose it is tough working in the building next to his and being reminded of him daily. Anyway, I missed him and I called him. He never returned my call. Okay that’s fine, figured he was out of town or something. No. Next day I go up to the cafeteria and he’s eating lunch with his new girlfriend, who just so happens to work on the 7th floor of my building. I dare you to find someone who has worse luck than me. I really don’t think that person exists. But the story gets worse. I’m a little bummed about it, but instead of going home and moping I figure I’ll meet a friend of mine at Redline that night who I hadn’t seen in a while. Great idea! Think again.  I walk into Redline, looking for my friend…and who is sitting at the bar? Are you kidding me? New Guy. What the hell are the chances of this happening. Even worse is that he acts like he doesn’t see me. Wonderful. New Guy if you are reading this, I really don’t care anymore. Eff it. Hello.
  2. Bad luck number two: I got a new job. However, I have yet to get the “official” offer from the new gig. It has a been a month, but that is besides the point. I am just biding my time away here, and yesterday was a fairly stressful day. How do I explain this…let’s just say the day finally ended, and I just wanted to get the heck out of work and not be reminded of how stressful the day was. I’m waiting for the metro, and notice the person in front of me is the last person I want to see…the man who tasked us with this lovely project for the day. I had to make small talk, he apologized for being mean on a call, and then thanked me profusely for getting the work done. Not the worst thing in the world, definitely no worse than seeing New Guy last week, but really…I have bad luck. The only thing you can do is shake your head and laugh.
  3. I’m just waiting for the 3rd strike here – who will I run into at the most inopportune time?
  4. I’ve been seeing 21. Do you remember 21? I use the word “seeing” loosely, mind you. I ran into him over New Years after a four year hiatus. Great find I must say (see prior Puma posts). He’s a cutie, and now he’s 25. But I still call him 21 because no one would know who I was referring to if I used his actual real name.
  5. Penis pic is also back in the picture, since he’s 21’s best friend. Kid is a real trip. I may have missed him more than I did 21 for the past four years.
  6. I got off eharmony. It was a total drag. But then started getting these random emails from okcupid, apparently I signed up 3 years ago but do not remember doing so. So far, it has been entertaining. I have nothing on my profile but have gotten a few hits from some cuties after only being on the site for a day. Maybe the key is to put as little into your profile as possible, but a picture or two. Gets them every time.
  7. 21 is on okcupid. He’ll be sitting next to me at my place and I see he has the site pulled up on his phone, he always shuts it right away so I won’t see…but my eagle eye spots it. His “looking for” age range on the site is like 22-28 (Mo tracked him down on the site…she really is the master investigator). Did I mention I am 32? I suppose I don’t fit into his ideal age range.
  8. I’m a little too obsessed with Foursquare recently. My activities sometimes revolve around retaining mayorships and checking in for badges/points. This is a problem.
  9. Got another rose last night from some bartender. I may try to post a pic of it later. It was a sweet gesture. But I have to wonder why I get lots of fake roses, but never the real thing. This one is made out of a napkin.
  10. I wear a nice ring on my left hand, strategically placed on my middle finger. It is not on my ring finger. I am leaving that open for an engagement ring, God willing. However, it is frequently mistaken for an engagement ring. Are guys this stupid? The answer is yes. Clearly I need to start wearing the ring on my right hand. However, something tells me that even then my relationship status will be up for interpretation.
  11. I had a dream that UConn lost last night in the Final Four. That doesn’t bode well for us. What I want to know is why the hell I am dreaming about basketball.

Tis all for now. More later. Talk to you soon. Missed you.

* this post is all true even though it’s April 1st.

SOTU 2011

January 25, 2011

Okay I’m doing it again. Another State of the Union live blog post.

Little late…I think we are 15 minutes in already. But let’s just say – this guy is good. He is literally speaking word for word from speech text, or so I hear. Pretty redic impressive if you ask me.

  • Mo cleverly pointed out that there was no mention of Foursquare during the internet shoutout to Facebook and Google. WTF?
  • HE’S sending a budget to Congress?! I’m not even going to comment on that one.
  • I’m not gonna lie, I actually like this Dems/Republicans interspersed throughout the chamber as opposed to on opposite sides. Does give off the fake illusion of both parties working together toward a common goal.
  • John Boehner looks like he’s about to cry.
  • BTW looks like someone is stimulating the economy by hitting their local Palm Beach Tan.
  • [I can’t claim that one on my own either, stole it from a friend’s Facebook post]
  • John Kerry! What the hell has he been up to? He looks like he’s wearing a mask.
  • What the heck are Biden and Boehner laughing about? Is something funny here?
  • They really liked that ‘pat down’ comment. Traveling, without the pat down!
  • BTW saw Kathy walk in a little before the Pres earlier. I have two pictures with her. I’m famous.
  • Hey it’s Max! We are on a first name basis. FYI
  • Who gets seats to this thing? Honestly, I’d rather not be there.
  • Who the hell is that guy and that is one ridiculous wig he’s got on. That or he is in the Hair Club for Men.
  • My boy Boehner looks bored as shit.
  • Waxman. Okay this is truly sad that I know who everyone is during individual cameo shots.
  • Boehner is finally smiling now upon mention of changing the health care law. This guy is going to be a real pleasure to work with in the coming years, I can tell.
  • Boehner still smiling during this discussion. Really? The smirk?
  • Didn’t he propose a freeze last year on discretionary spending? So is this freeze on top of last year’s freeze? Wowzers.
  • $400B saved over the next decade? Seriously, how is this possible bud? Just wondering.
  • I can tell you how to save some money. How about getting rid of this awesome computer system we just installed in our office that has no point whatsoever and is actually killing productivity.
  • oh heyyyy Hillary. This could have been you.
  • phhhh Boehner just looked shocked that Pres said cutting discretionary spending isn’t the only way to cut spending.
  • I wonder if they tell him not to make faces during the speech.
  • Oh jeez med mal reform.
  • I really find that the most amusing part of this is watching the Speaker of the House behind the Pres.
  • Boehner just clapped about simplifying the individual tax code. A positive reaction.
  • Hey is he making fun of black and white TVs? Has he SEEN my wood panel tube?
  • Oh really. When you meet with lobbyists the information is put online? Didn’t know that.
  • I’d like to see you veto those bills with earmarks in it. I love ya Barack, but I call bullshit.
  • Man this is a long speech.
  • Biden has perma-frown. If you compare the lip lines between the two (Biden and Boehner), it’s actually quite amusing. Boehner is flatlined.
  • Michelle – isn’t she sick of this whole Presidency thing yet?
  • Okay I can’t stop focusing on the lip lines.
  • Did he just say Iraq war? I completely forgot about that thing.
  • Still on international security. I lost interest after the health reform discussion.
  • It’s freezing in my apartment. Appropriate.
  • I didn’t see this in the news, but I can only assume that the little white bow on everyone’s vest is for Congresswoman Giffords. Yes/no?
  • Still too many men in this Congress. More women please? Don’t worry, I’m workin my way up. Could use a little more racial diversity too. Thanks.
  • He’s going to Brazil!? I am contemplating a trip myself!
  • Boehner slowly moving to a frown.
  • I swear John Kerry is wearing a mask. He actually looks like one of those Kerry masks you find in the costume stores.
  • I really could use a good flat screen; in fact I can’t believe I still have this little piece of history. I’d like to use this opportunity to post a pic of my TV again.

  • Boehner just drank some water. Okay why am I still watching this thing?
  • awww Nancy in the audience. She’s always wearing a very interesting colored suit for SOTU.
  • P.S. can you believe a Tea Partier is doing a second rebuttal? This should be interesting.
  • Wow, he’s touching on gays and the military. Times are changing.
  • ROTC! I haven’t thought about or heard that since undergrad. haha
  • Is this thing over yet? Ready for bed.
  • How in the world did he memorize this entire speech???? I’m still in shock.
  • He doesn’t know of one person who wouldn’t like to trade places with any other nation on earth? Um, I’d like to trade places with someone in Spain.
  • Yep, I think Boehner is about to cry at his upbringing shoutout.
  • America! America! America! We do big things. He really has a way of getting people riled up.

Donezo. Not bad Pres. Hopefully your approval ratings go up after this. Thanks for listening in everyone. Sorry if this wasn’t as amusing as last years’ effort. I did my best.

birthday week

July 29, 2010

You know how this happens. I post once and then a ton of ideas start flowing my brain so I keep posting. So here it is. I just had another thought. It’s my birthday week. And while I didn’t want to make any sort of big deal over it, of course, it is turning out to be bigger than I anticipated. Started off that I wasn’t going to do anything but mellow out for the weekend. Clearly, that is not about to happen. I was added into a little party on Saturday night, which was originally just for Mo (it’s her bday week too). Now it’s for both of us and the guest list just appears to be growing. Should be interesting. But really, what I’m more excited about is Sunday brunch at the W. Again, guest list appears to be expanding, but I think we’ve finally maxed out at 10. Can’t wait for that.

This birthday will clearly be better than 31. Nothing beat my 30th, of course, but 31 was definitely a let down. I usually don’t get much in the way of gifts either, but this year I’ve already received two! A camera from my fam (soooo pumped about it!) and then my friend L so kindly bought me another Pacers Groupon. Too cute! Love you guys!

A year older, a year wiser. Okay maybe not, but happy birthday to me.  🙂

The people we meet

February 27, 2010

In my day, I have met some interesting characters. Last night, however, may have taken the cake. We were at a work happy hour at Vapiano in Chinatown, in which the guy who planned the happy hour did not show up. To this day, I still have no idea who this man is. He is this imaginary happy hour planner who gathers people together for drinks but then doesn’t show. But this is besides the point.

I am dating this new guy, let’s call him New Guy for now. He asked me not to blog about him, but oh well. Lucky for him I have nothing excrutiatingly bad to say (yet), so he’s in he clear. Anyway, New Guy brings his roommate to this happy hour. Roommate met a girl a few days ago; he doesn’t really know her yet other than the fact that she is very skinny, but cute. Skinny Girl meets us at Vapiano. You know things are going to be comical when Roommate introduces me to Skinny Girl saying, “this is New Guy’s girlfriend.” Really? To my knowledge, we have only been going on for about a month. We all had a good laugh, Roommate profusely apologized, and we moved on.

As the night progresses, we are starting to realize that Skinny Girl is, well, crazy. She won’t tell anyone where she works, so automatically we think she is a stripper. She proceeds to touch everyone, clearly not grasping the concept of personal space. After some time, Roommate comes to the conclusion that she is crazy, so proceeds to make a getaway. Skinny Girl was having none of this. She follows him into the mens bathroom, into the stall even, and won’t leave until she finally gets kicked out. She proceeds to talk to him while putting her hands around his throat in the strangling position, scratching him on the neck and everything. And I thought I had gone on dates with some interesting individuals.

Let’s get to the punchline.

Before this psycho strangling scene unraveled, a few of us were sitting around eating some pasta. Clearly, Skinny Girl must have been hungry, because she hadn’t even met my friend Rachel, but that didn’t stop her from asking Rachel if she could have a bite. Rachel so appropriately told her that she could, but only if she got her own fork. Skinny Girl got her own fork and dug in. I knew things were about to get ugly when I saw Skinny Girl eyeing my plate. No less than five minutes later, she is behind me, sitting entirely too close to New Guy. Next thing I know, I see her hand grabbing the fork off my plate. It was like slow motion. She prods the chicken but doesn’t want that, moves onto a few frigatelli curls at nine o’clock. I hear New Guy gasping and making an attempt to stop her. I hear Mo to my right telling my friend V, “this is not good, Sara is incredibly OCD.” After prodding around in my plate a bit, this is when Skinny Girl decides that it is appropriate to ask me if she can have a bite. How does one answer this question? She must have seen the look of utter devastation on my face because this is when she reassures me by saying, “don’t worry, I don’t have germs…I just went to the doctor.” Well phew, that clears things up for me – dig in!

Skinny Girl has a small bite and then continues to stalk other pasta dishes. V, realizing I am OCD, was kind enough to get me another fork. We tried to slyly switch forks so that Skinny Girl wasn’t offended. No matter, she saw it anyway. Regardless, I am happy to annouce that I did finish the meal, thanks to a few kind hearted individuals.

A friend who had left earlier did not finish her entire pasta dish, and this was still on the table. The dish had been sitting there for at least a good hour. However, this did not detract Skinny Girl from going in for the kill on that dish. Roommate, at this point, was devastated and managed to stop her. This was actually right before the strangling scene proceeded. Maybe now it’s more clear to you why Roommate was trying to get away from her.