health maladies

November 13, 2009

So, I have been convinced by my dear friend Sara to do a guest blog because my life is a mess and apparently entertaining.  So, let me preface this with the fact that I am a walking health issue.  You name it, it has happened to me.  Recently I am beginning to wonder if my birth certificate is correct because I seem to have the body of an 80 year old woman.  For instance, today I had an appt with a urologist.  Now, when I made the appointment, I did not think anything of it.  I had a problem so I would see a specialist.  Well, when I walked in the office today and saw the waiting room full of people 65+ years old, I knew.  Yes, in fact I am an 80 year old woman.  I happened to be sitting next to this very kind grandmother who started talking to me while she was waiting for her husband.  We were just making small talk when she asked me who I was in the waiting room for…my dad?  My grandmother? because why would she think a young person like me would have urology issues.  I sheepishly had to reply, “Oh no, I am waiting for myself.”  Awkward silence.  Then it dawned on me…the senior citizen sitting next to me wasnt even there for herself but I was.  What is my life coming to?  So, I finally meander back to see the doctor where he proceeds to tell me that I most likely have overactive bladder syndrome.  He then asks me what other medications I am on for other ailments.  At this point I need to spill it.  Yup, I am on Monocylcine for frontal fibrosing alopecia.  In case you are not aware of this condition, it is a rare condition where your body attacks its hair follicles and replaces it with scar tissue.  Generally this is found in post menopausal women, which again supports my theory that in fact I am an 80 year old woman.  As if admitting to a doctor that I have an overactive bladder was not bad enough, I then had to spill it about my balding condition.  Yup.  Luckily, my other conditions of bursitis in my left hip (again a condition usually found in older folks), pinched nerve in my upper back, lower back pain, and the overgrowth of breast tissue in my armpit resulting in a third boob were not relevant because I really dont think I could take any more embarassment for the day.  So, I left the office, overactive bladder medication in hand, and returned to my bed to continue sleeping because yes folks, on top of everything else, I have a sinus infection.  See ya.