January 25, 2011

I went skiing a few weekends ago. No, not out west; as you may recall we went to Snowbird in Utah for a long weekend last February. Oh, the memories. This time I figured I’d get some practice in locally at Whitetail in Pennsylvania, in preparation for another trip out west at some point this winter. In attendance were myself, sister Jean, her boyfriend Dave, Wheels (Tier II Asian), and newbie to the blog, Paul. A few notable happenings occurred, summarized below.

The Moguls
In an unexpected twist of pure joy, my friend Hung (Tier I) decided to come along at the last minute. My lifelong dream is to ski with Hung. Just knowing his anything goes, risky personality, I knew that watching him ski would be hilarious. Well, he lived up to the hype. We were skiing some moguls at one point, and Dave was trying to teach Hung how to better maneuver them. Hung did a run, but apparently he wasn’t giving it his best effort for Dave’s tutorial. So he proclaims…

Wait, let me put my shit into it.

Meaning, let me give it my all and watch this. Well, Hung put his shit into it and went flailing wildly only to take a hard fall. We all agreed that Hung should not put his shit into it moving forward. In fact, since that time, he has gone skiing again and has managed to dislocate his shoulder with the possibility of the bone being chipped. This is what I love about Hung. Him putting his shit into it.

Me skiing some fresh pow. In my dreams.

The Lift Incident
There are five of us on the “difficult” side of the mountain, where a double black diamond seems like a blue after having skied Snowbird. But nonetheless, Dave, Jean, and Paul are on the ski chair in front of us at the lift. Hung and I are about to board the lift, which is a four seater. Something must have gotten lost in translation, because I heard the ski attendant direct us to let the couple in front of Hung and I go on their own chair. Well, Hung heard differently, and told me to hurry up and board the chair along with the couple in front of us. Clearly, the couple heard the same thing I did, because as I came up to the chair entirely too late, the woman somehow ended up on my lap as the chair was lifting from the ground.

At this point, she’s yelling for the ski attendant to stop the chair. My attempts to push her off of my lap and onto the seat next to me so we could go happily on our way up the mountain were not working. She was making every attempt to get off of the chair. Somehow, this ended up in a shouting match between Hung and the woman, that went something like this:

Woman: Get off of me! Get me off this thing!!!
Hung: Calm down lady, we’re just trying to get up the mountain.
Woman: Get off me! Let me down!!  What are you people DOING??!!
Sara: Sorry, we didn’t mean it.
Woman, screaming wildly: What are you doing!??! Get me off this chair! You people are crazy!
Woman, losing control: Don’t you talk to me that way! These people are crazy! Let me down!!!
Sara: Sorry, we didn’t mean it.
Husband: What are you doing to my wife?
Sara: Sorry, we didn’t do it on purpose.
Woman: Stop this chair! I’m not riding up with them. I’m leaving!
Hung: GOOD RIDDANCE! (I would not want to get on Hung’s bad side.)

I guess it could have been worse. What the hell?

Chair stops. Woman and husband depart in fits of rage, and Hung and I are left going up the mountain on the four seater chair by ourselves. I look up to see Dave, Jean, and Paul on the chair in front of us…they had witnessed the whole thing and were really enjoying themselves, laughing hysterically. What just happened?

It’s not like I wanted this woman on my lap. Yet, she was acting as though we did it on purpose. Seriously, lady? Yes, I want you to ride on my lap on the chair lift up the entire mountain. I did in fact get on the lift behind you on purpose, so that you could ride on my lap. Little joyride up the mountain for me.

In summary, it was just another day on the slopes for us. Memorable for sure, and it may be difficult to top the remainder of the season. However, quick note to self for next time: try to get on the lift next to everyone as instructed and not directly behind someone. Readers, take heed.


The Creation of Tier III

December 4, 2009

Great times last night at H1.  For those of you unfamiliar with this hidden Arlington gem, the happy hour specials at Hunan One run daily from 11-8:30.  Decent beers on tap such as Blue Moon are a mere $1 during this time.  So, as you would imagine, we all got a little tipsy.  Plus everyone and their mother made it out, which made it a virtual COOL reunion (I had my Coming Out Of Lent party there last year….yes, this will be an annual ocurrence so stay tuned in the spring for more information).  To make things even better, most of my Asians were out.  Yes, that means Hung and Felipe finally were able to meet.  This meeting has been a long time coming, and I had been talking Hung up a bit to Felipe.  So they finally met, and the rest is history.  Not only that, but Wheels and JK were out as well, which means 4 of the top 6 Asians were present.  Only Liv and Big D were missing.  However, as we are all joking about who is Top Tier and who made second Tier, I realize that I left a few of my Asian girlfriends out of the mix and another guy from my softball team.  How did I miss them?  So, we are now forced to create a third tier.  I’m sorry ladies and gents, but since you are late in the game I’m going to have to place you in Tier 3.  So here is the rundown:

Tier I:  Hung, Felipe, and Big D
Tier II:  Wheels, JK, and Liv
Tier III:  Yu, Carrie, and Mick (please ask for further clarification – just assigned names as they came to me here)

Tier II members can no longer complain about their second tier status.  Besides Hung and Felipe, these tiers are subject to change at any point in time.  So, do what you will to make a higher Tier, I am happy to accept any gifts that come my way. 

This whole Tier thing was the running joke last night, mainly between Felipe and I because we like to carry jokes on as long as humanly possible.  And the fact that Hung and Felipe finally met just made it all the more spectacular, in a Chinese Restaurant no less.  So at one point, Felipe, Wheels, and Carrie (new Tier III addition) were all discussing their backgrounds.  Felipe – Chinese, Wheels – Thai?  (this is why I don’t really consider him a full blown Asian), and Carrie – Korean.  So the conversation goes something like this:

Carrie, to Felipe:  “What are you?”
Felipe:  “Top Tier”

Seriously?  Life doesn’t revolve around the Tiers yet, Felipe, but I like how you are thinking.  Carrie was asking what his background was, i.e. Chinese, Korean, etc.  Classic.  This is clearly something that Felipe and I will joke about for months to come.

Also present at the happy hour was the infamous Alex, who is notoriously known to mix up the Asians.  However, last night, Alex wasn’t the culprit in the Asian mix-up.  Intead, it was Linda (another blonde – coincidence?).  We have a group of girlfriends in which 3 out of 6 of us are Asian (they will have to be added into the Tiers at a later date and time).  One of the three, Yu (Tier III), was present.  Linda sees an Asian girl walk by our table, and loudly asks to everyone “HEY!  Is that Hong????”  I look at the girl and she is Asian, but clearly is not Hong.  We all had a good hearty laugh over that one.  The Asian jokes just keep getting better and better.  Keep it up my friends.  Makes for some great blogging material.


December 2, 2009

Just received a new blog post idea from JK (he’s now my 5th Asian, unless you include my Asian half sister Liv which would make him the 6th).  Really I have the top 3 Asians – Hung, Felipe, and Big D.  Those are my go-to Asians.  JK is kind of a newbie, and I don’t really consider him Asian for some reason even though he is, thus he never really made the Asian cut.  Also we have another friend of ours, Wheels we’ll call him, but I also don’t really consider him Asian either.  So they are my second-tier Asians.  I’m sorry guys, but it’s true.  But at least you made the second cut.  So the other night, our good girlfriend Alex is out in ATown (Arlington) watching Monday Night Football.  I, as you may recall, worked late so couldn’t make it.  Plus was I really going to treck out to ATown on a Monday night?  No.  So Alex texts me “your Asian is here!”  So automatically, I ask “you mean Big D, Felipe?” (one of the top 3).  Then I remembered that JK is Asian.  Sure enough, she responds via text “no…Quack.”  JK’s last name is not Quack, it’s Kwak.  Okay if that isn’t funny I don’t know what is.  It does sound a bit like Quack, so why not automatically assume an Asian’s last name is “Quack?”  As you may recall, Alex is notorious for mixing up our Asians, so it was ultra hilarious that she mispelled his last name.  She constantly confuses Big D and Felipe.  Not sure why Hung is left out of this mix-up, but I think she’s got him down pretty well.  Hung must have a distinct Asian look.  She also thought every Asian who walked in the door that night was Wheels, but that’s another story.

So not sure how I got on the Asian sidetrack.  The topic of this post is actually cheating.  Asians – cheating, goes hand in hand.  Just kidding.  So I was out the other night over Thanksgiving break and met up with some old college peeps.  Really it was my ex boyfriend (we’ll call him Mase as his nickname) who I hadn’t seen in over 8 years, and his friends.  Me and 5 guys, the usual.  We all used to hang out back in the day and I’m still friends with Aladin, who is Mase’s best friend.  Aladin, during this time, relays to me that he believes that 99% of all men cheat.  Seriously?!  99%??  That seems a bit steep don’t you think?  He goes on and on and into detail about how this might happen.  He’s only talking about married men, mind you.  That makes it even better.  I would venture to say that the percentage is closer to 80%.  What do you guys think?  I would hope it would be lower than that, but something about the male species doesn’t leave me with much faith.

(Can I just add a little sidebar about how Mase, who I hadn’t seen in 8 years, went in for the kiss at the end of the evening?  Seriously??!!  Dude it’s been EIGHT years!!!!  EIGHT years since we’ve dated!!!  I mean I know I was memorable, but really?  I found this highly amusing.)

BTW my circulation is now being completely cut off because my shoes are tied so tightly.  Yes, I am wearing my sneakers at work, but I’m trying to break them in.  I’m thinking that I’ll give them a go at the gym tonight and then maybe a jog in the morning, and if they still feel like they are falling off of me, hello Fleet Feet.  Man I’m sure they love me there.  I am pretty much going to buy out and return the store.