I know how to pick ’em

December 12, 2010

Last night I received an update on the ongoing Rico saga from a dear friend. Rico is a boy I dated back when I was on the match.com mealplan two years ago. Please read here for a bit of background on what type of pathological liar this kid is. Long story short, I only went out with the guy about three or four times before he told me he was moving to Colombia, with the brilliant excuse that he didn’t want to start something only to end it a few months later. Boy am I thankful for that, looking back on it. My friend yesterday told me that she just saw him the other day; clearly he has not moved to Colombia to start up his “hookah bar”…and we are two years out. Further, she found out that he is actually 23. That would put him at 21 when we dated. I was 30. I was in fact a puma, without even knowing it. He had told me at the time that he was 28. Lovely. This is precisely why I am staying away from match at this point, not that eHarmony is getting me much further. The Rico story just keeps getting better and better.

Dating has got to be the most frustrating thing imaginable. Boys and girls, if you are happily in a relationship; count your blessings. Because dating in DC is definitely no walk in the park and I’m considering throwing in the towel very soon.

One love,

**Quick shoutout to my friend Big D, who plans to start up his own blog very soon. Be on the lookout for drunkdiariesofdc.com. I kid you not, he carries a little notebook around with him when he goes out and just jots down what’s on his mind. It’s hilarious…and has got to be more interesting than my dating life.



October 3, 2010

Many of you may have already heard, but on a whim, I booked a flight to Spain late Friday night, leaving this weekend. Nothing like booking a last minute flight at 2:30am after a night out and while buzzed. I woke up the next morning and asked myself, “did I really just do that?” Guess now I’m stuck. But hey, what have I got to lose? [Except for maybe a whole hell of a lot of money]. Booking this flight this late in the game is the true definition of living my life (LML). Another term coined by Big D, who we will be meeting in Madrid. Taking the UBG global – literally, we will become the Spain Bike Gang (SBG). Yes, we will be biking in Barcelona.

When I booked the flight Friday night, I knew very little of what this trip would entail. Let me first point out that I’m going with four guys. Yes, I am the only girl. Not a big deal as I’m usually one of the guys anyway, but an interesting tidbit to throw in there for you nonetheless. These guys like to party – another interesting factoid. Also, I knew we would be staying in hostels, yes. Did I know that staying in hostels equates to what they call “backpacking?” No, that I did not know. I did not know we would be backpacking until yesterday when Big D texted me a picture of his backpack, containing 16 days of clothes and other materials. So today, I went to REI and bought a huge ass backpack, among other necessities. Nothing like testing your limits and roughing it for a bit. All in the name of living your life.

If anyone has any helpful hints or recommendations on what to do and see while there, please let me know. If I don’t have a chance to blog before I depart, so long and farewell. Will be gone for 9 days. I cannot believe I am flying by myself for 9 hours on a plane, knowing I am terrified of flying. The things you do on a whim. But honestly, many times the most spontaneous things you do are the most memorable. Without a doubt.

Juana (my Spanish name in high school)

arm wrestling

September 27, 2010

You may all know that I love to arm wrestle. Well really, I love to kill my competition. So maybe I’m on a two match losing streak, but at least they were to reputable opponents (guy friend and DC Rollergirl at the H Street festival). Prior to that, I have crushed most of the people crazy enough to attempt to beat me, men and women alike. Perhaps it was a fluke; that I’m not sure of. Luckily, we can find out at the DC Ladies Arm Wrestling Competition.

Unfortunately, this is the first I’m hearing of this so will likely not be able to contend in the match this weekend; but having something as random as an organized arm wrestling competition is exactly why I love DC. And you can bet that I will be submitting my application shortly to participate in the next round. Apparently, all I need to do is email them with a wrestling name and they will include me in a future contest. Oddly, no number of prior winnings is required, as one might require to enter a big race.

So I’ve mentioned this to a few friends, and here are some names they have come up with:

(1) Sara Slasher
(2) The Swan

Having not received any other suggestions as of late, I am apt to go with The Swan. Not only will this name allow me to catch my opponents off guard as I do give off a gentle, swan-like appearance, but it is also my animal nickname (see description to the right). My opponents will go in thinking I’ll be a pushover, only to be overcome by my brute strength. Pending other great suggestions, I am going with this. Submit names now or forever hold your peace.

a/k/a “The Swan”

*Update: We have two votes now for “J-Bird.” Given that this is my actual nickname AND it was given to me by Big D, who I actually met (and beat) arm wrestling, this suggestion has some serious merit. Further, it still gives off the gentle, bird-like persona. Add this to the list and vote accordingly.

(3) J-Bird

Bike Guy update

September 14, 2010

Hi Readers. You may not believe this, but I found the elusive Bike Guy. How did I manage to accomplish this feat, you may ask? Well, my bike gears were acting up and my baby was just not riding as she used to. So, I brought her into my favorite bike shop for an adjustment over the weekend. Knowing that Bike Guy lives near there and that he goes to said bike shop, I figured I’d just throw out the question to the owner on whether or not he knew Bike Guy. Turns out, to my amazement, he did, so I tell the owner the story about how I think I might have given him the wrong number inadvertently, and I manage to attain Bike Guy’s email address. Interesting.

Of course, this was a major development. I now have in my possession Bike Guy’s contact information. Something like finding gold at the end of a rainbow. What do I do with this information? Of course, I immediately tell some friends about this success. I meet a few of them for drinks, and they tell me that they want me to craft the email immediately and send it via my iPhone. Okay people, it’s not that pressing. They even attempt to craft the email for me. Big D said the email should only be three sentences max. Impact statement, question, and closer. He was very adamant about this. Apparently that is how things work in the sales world, and he thought I was selling myself. No, I am just giving him the correct number, I think. Big D also told me not to mention that I thought I had given him the wrong number. I disagreed. The wrong number was the reason I was searching for him in the first place! I would not try to find someone who I knew just did not call me. Choosing not to heed Big D’s advice, later on that evening, I write up a quick email saying I think I mixed up the last two digits of my phone number and asked whether or not he still was up for going on a ride.

Now, it is a gamble on whether or not Bike Guy will respond to this email. It has been almost two months since the alleged “bike date” occurred, and here I am, still seeking this guy out, going on the premise that I gave him the wrong number.

As luck would have it, Bike Guy responds. This is the first line of his email,

I am impressed with your ability to track down my email address.

Read: I cannot believe that you have stalked me like this for the past two months and have managed to get my contact information.

Moving on, he then proceeds to say that he had been meaning to call me to go on a ride, but has just either had people in town or has been out of town, so there was no time to actually go on said ride. But that he would definitely still be up for a ride, asking when I am free.

Well, that throws my entire theory off. Dude just didn’t call me! Clearly, I was way more into getting to know this guy than he was into getting to know me. To make matters even worse, I still have no idea whether or not I am not losing my mind and that I had mixed up the last two digits of my phone number. I figured on my response email, I probably should hold off on asking him to check his phone to see; maybe that topic is better off discussing in person. Regardless, I did respond with some dates in which I was free. No response back as of late. But honestly, given that he clearly is just not that interested, at this point I care more about finding out what number he has in his phone than the actual guy. I have come to the sad conclusion that this may never actually happen.

And the hunt for Mr. Mid-September lives on.

officially OLD

June 28, 2010

I was just told by my hot yoga instructor that I can no longer do any type of inversion. For those of you unfamiliar to the practice of yoga, that means I cannot invert my body so that my feet are in the air and my head is toward the ground. That would be no big deal to me, but that includes a number of yoga poses that I have grown to know and love. Granted, doing these yoga poses is probably what caused me to no longer be able to do them in the first place, but still. In the words of my friend Big D, EML. Not FML, EML…eff my life. Hot married yoga instructor, you are telling me that I can no longer do ARM STAND?  I LOVE arm stand!!!! Shoulder stand I can pass on, but AMR STAND? No good. I also can’t do head stand, but apparently hand stand is in the realm of possibilities. Dude, I can’t even do a hand stand – seriously? Guess I better get to work on it.

Okay, so why, you may I ask, can I no longer do arm stand? I have a bulging disc in my neck according to an x-ray, discovered after my arm started going numb soon after I started practicing yoga. However, pretty sure this all started last year when I went wakeboarding at one point…you have to love those extreme sports. My neck was in serious pain that weekend and into the next week. At the time, I half jokingly figured I had broken it. Guess I almost did. Awesome. Perhaps I should pass on boarding this weekend.

Since I’m on a bitch fest, I would like to point out that I get called ‘ma’am’ now at least once per day. Bulging disc and ma’am. I am seriously getting old…maybe I should think about starting to think about freezing my eggs. EML

the Bike Gang

May 10, 2010

Hello guys – again, I need to apologize for being MIA. I tried my best to login on Friday but was denied. Hopefully work isn’t picking up on the fact that they should probably block me from this site too. Remember when they blocked me from facebook? That was horrible – I had to go out and buy an iPhone to compensate.

So how was everyone’s weekend? My weekend was highlighted by the fact that (1) it was the first night back out on the GTown waterfront [we have a few boating friends] which means the weather is nice and I am back to being in summer heaven, and (2) Saturday was the first Bike Gang ride of the summer. Granted, I don’t yet have a bike, but by golly, I can’t wait to get one.


the Bike Gang on a ride


Let’s just touch upon this Bike Gang idea. Pure brilliance if you ask me. My friend Big D, an avid biker, has managed to help convince a few of us to get bikes. So he, I, and three others participated in the first Bike Gang ride on Saturday, with a start time of 1pm. Gorgeous day out and perfect day to tour the Embassies, which, if you didn’t know, had open houses until 4pm consisting of free food and drink. My friends, of course, focused on the drink. After hitting Embassies such as the Czech Republic (embarrasingly, spelled “Chech” in a text to a friend that day) and Austria, we then decided we’d head back on Rock Creek Parkway and stop at the GTown waterfront for a beverage. Little did I know that “a beverage” consisted of each of us buying a round. Luckily, I managed to skip out on one round before we biked back up to a restaurant in GTown for some dinner (and more drinks). Now, I am currently the only female member of the Bike Gang, so one would think that I can’t keep up in the drinking, which is true. The boys continued to kill a few bottles of wine and sangria at dinner, but I had to tap out. After dinner, we headed back home to prepare for the evening. Please picture the five of us riding down P Street in the dark taking up the entire right lane, everyone but me being pretty tipsy and thus making a total scene, and two members of the Gang smoking a cigarette for good measure. One of these cig smokers was riding a hot pink one-speed cruiser. It was ridiculously hilarious.

Anyway, Bike Gang was a blast. If you don’t yet own a bike and would like to get involved in riding, I highly recommend it to everyone. We are currently looking to recruit new members. Just keep in mind that Bike Gang initiation can be a real bitch. The more we recruit, the more rounds we buy. Daunting.

The Creation of Tier III

December 4, 2009

Great times last night at H1.  For those of you unfamiliar with this hidden Arlington gem, the happy hour specials at Hunan One run daily from 11-8:30.  Decent beers on tap such as Blue Moon are a mere $1 during this time.  So, as you would imagine, we all got a little tipsy.  Plus everyone and their mother made it out, which made it a virtual COOL reunion (I had my Coming Out Of Lent party there last year….yes, this will be an annual ocurrence so stay tuned in the spring for more information).  To make things even better, most of my Asians were out.  Yes, that means Hung and Felipe finally were able to meet.  This meeting has been a long time coming, and I had been talking Hung up a bit to Felipe.  So they finally met, and the rest is history.  Not only that, but Wheels and JK were out as well, which means 4 of the top 6 Asians were present.  Only Liv and Big D were missing.  However, as we are all joking about who is Top Tier and who made second Tier, I realize that I left a few of my Asian girlfriends out of the mix and another guy from my softball team.  How did I miss them?  So, we are now forced to create a third tier.  I’m sorry ladies and gents, but since you are late in the game I’m going to have to place you in Tier 3.  So here is the rundown:

Tier I:  Hung, Felipe, and Big D
Tier II:  Wheels, JK, and Liv
Tier III:  Yu, Carrie, and Mick (please ask for further clarification – just assigned names as they came to me here)

Tier II members can no longer complain about their second tier status.  Besides Hung and Felipe, these tiers are subject to change at any point in time.  So, do what you will to make a higher Tier, I am happy to accept any gifts that come my way. 

This whole Tier thing was the running joke last night, mainly between Felipe and I because we like to carry jokes on as long as humanly possible.  And the fact that Hung and Felipe finally met just made it all the more spectacular, in a Chinese Restaurant no less.  So at one point, Felipe, Wheels, and Carrie (new Tier III addition) were all discussing their backgrounds.  Felipe – Chinese, Wheels – Thai?  (this is why I don’t really consider him a full blown Asian), and Carrie – Korean.  So the conversation goes something like this:

Carrie, to Felipe:  “What are you?”
Felipe:  “Top Tier”

Seriously?  Life doesn’t revolve around the Tiers yet, Felipe, but I like how you are thinking.  Carrie was asking what his background was, i.e. Chinese, Korean, etc.  Classic.  This is clearly something that Felipe and I will joke about for months to come.

Also present at the happy hour was the infamous Alex, who is notoriously known to mix up the Asians.  However, last night, Alex wasn’t the culprit in the Asian mix-up.  Intead, it was Linda (another blonde – coincidence?).  We have a group of girlfriends in which 3 out of 6 of us are Asian (they will have to be added into the Tiers at a later date and time).  One of the three, Yu (Tier III), was present.  Linda sees an Asian girl walk by our table, and loudly asks to everyone “HEY!  Is that Hong????”  I look at the girl and she is Asian, but clearly is not Hong.  We all had a good hearty laugh over that one.  The Asian jokes just keep getting better and better.  Keep it up my friends.  Makes for some great blogging material.