shock and awe

February 8, 2013

I obviously need to blog more. And I obviously need to post more pleas for help, advice, goods, and materials on this blog. Because guess what? Someone bought me Mumford tickets.

Shock and awe.

This is how it went down. I woke up this morning, oddly before my alarm went off. I shut my alarm off; my alarm as of late has been the Sleep Cycle app. Each morning when I awake it asks me what kind of mood I’m in when I wake up, providing one of three options: 1) green smiley face, 2) yellow somber face, or 3) red angry face. I am not a morning person, so it’s generally a yellow and on occasion, red. I should have known something good was in store because my first inclination was to choose green. Odd considering my sleep quality for the night was only 66%, but that’s besides the point and we don’t need to debate the merits of this app here.

After waking up on the right side of the bed, I did my usual routine – check all email inboxes, twitter, Facebook, and foursquare while lying in bed. This generally takes about 15 minutes and always means that I will be running around at the very last minute trying to get out the door. All because I didn’t set my alarm early enough to plan for the 15 minutes utilized to check every possible social media outlet prior to getting out of bed. Again, besides the point.

I make it to my gmail account and find a number of messages. A never ending email thread from a friend (JK) containing random banter. An email from Dave asking how bad the damage was (he apparently read my blog and wanted more info – whoops, thought his mom told him). Then, another email that simply read:

Happy birthday elder Barber.


Two attachments were included with the email.

My first thought upon reading this was that Ant was playing one of her usual jokes on me, so I’d open it to find something utterly absurd, hilarious, and very characteristic of Ant.

My second thought was to question whether it was actually my birthday. I honestly had to contemplate this. Not surprising considering last weekend I couldn’t remember my own age. Picture this. After a wonderful day of skiing, a couple of us wound up at a bar on Capitol Hill to catch the Superbowl. A friend, Sally, and I were randomly talking about another friend of ours who we’ve known for years but always seems to remain the same age. Jokingly, she said that she’s always known him to be 37. But he can’t still be 37! Sally then asked me how old I was, to which I responded “33.” But, I began to question my own response. Am I 33? This led me into straight up panic mode. First, because I couldn’t remember my own age. Second, because it was starting to dawn on me that my initial response was likely incorrect – I may actually be 34. I even texted Mo for confirmation.

Sara: How old am I?
Mo: Old.

Awesome. Not receiving confirmation from Mo, I was forced to do the math: birthdate minus current date. The inevitable was then confirmed – I am 34. Continue freakout mode and the realization that I am edging ever so close to 35.

Back to the issue at hand. After first thinking it was a typical Ant joke, then questioning whether or not it was my birthday, I proceeded to open the email to find two floor seats to the Wednesday Mumford show.

Hold up, I think. This was too improbable and cannot possibly be real. These tickets are running at $250 a pop right now on Stubhub. So my third thought, since I was still in bed and groggy:

Am I still dreaming/sleeping?

After staring in amazement and pure awe at the tickets, opening both attachments, and re-reading said email, it did indeed appear to be true. Ant had sent me two tickets to see Mumford on Wednesday night. Not only that, but they are coveted floor seats. All as a birthday gift, and my birthday is not until August (I think).

Currently, I am floating on a cloud of excitement. After a week of hell at work, this really takes the cake. What a day so far. I don’t even know what to say or how I could ever repay Ant for this amazing gift. I’ve already blocked out my Wednesday afternoon so that my friend and I can get to the Patriot Center early for a prime spot. So. Damn. Excited.

Thank you Ant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how I could ever repay you for this. Simply amazing.


concert plea

February 7, 2013

No one’s come forward to give me Mumford tickets. What’s up with that?

The Jean and Dave wedding

February 6, 2013

Wow. It is with great happiness that I announce the wedding of my sibling, Jean, and Dave. Okay, it was two weeks ago, so I’m a little late. But I’d just like to once again give credit where credit is due…it was Jean and Dave who prompted me to start this blog. Thank you, bro and sis. And now, they are happily married. My blog readers thank you and congratulate you on this happy union.

Now, what can I say about the wedding. So much…but yet, so little at the same time. So much happened, and the whole weekend was so fun that I managed to write out a list of all funny things that happened for fear that I, Sara, would forget them all in due time. I did this because I can pretty much guarantee that in no less than 3 months, many memories will be lost. I have the worst memory of all time. I say “so little,” because I mayyyy have overindulged a bit at the reception. A lot of the end of it is blurry. I remember going crazy when the song “Paso,” by Sak Noel came on. Meaning, I was literally jumping around as though I was at a Sak Noel concert. I remember my toast, and Liv’s. I vaguely recall a bus ride back to the hotel and gazing up at the full moon saying that it meant something crazy was going to happen (nothing crazy happened to me specifically, but that sure did come true for others). Then, thankfully, I stopped drinking. Oh wait – a couple of pictures of me at the hotel bar show me drinking PBR, albeit painfully. Anyway, it must not have been much because the next day I realized I had left my credit card at the bar with an amazingly high $5.23 bar tab. Why did I move to DC?

Now, I can’t post everything that happened at the wedding on the blog, you crazy kids. Some of it is G rated, and some of it…R. Actually, is there a rating higher than R? Because that is what I would rate this wedding at. Those implicated will remain nameless, of course. Because what happens in Middletown, CT….stays in Middletown, CT. And that is all I can say about that. If any friends who were at the wedding would like to see my own personal list of wedding memories, please contact me and I will provide the list on an as requested basis. Thank you.

That being said, for my other sister’s wedding last summer, Liv, I posted her wedding toast. I figured I’d give Jean and Dave that same honor here by posting my toast for their wedding. So here you go…

Thank you John.

John was our DJ, and ironically, friend from home. I was even more tipsy for this toast than I was Liv’s, if that is possible, but I am pretty sure I said this again.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jean’s older sister, Sara.

Insert loud cheers from crowd. I wasn’t expecting this, so I ad libbed…

Okay, everyone knows me.

I don’t have an ego at all.

First, I’d like to thank everyone for braving the cold and the distance to spend this amazing day with Jean and Dave.  This has been a much anticipated wedding celebration, so we have a lot of expectations to live up to (no pressure).

Not kidding about it being much anticipated. Ever since the Jean and Dave engagement last year, we knew we were in for a wedding treat.

As many of you know, Jean has quite the strong personality.  She knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it, and she knows how to go about getting it.  She also has no problem saying exactly what’s on her mind.  For example, one time Jean was visiting me in DC before she moved there.  I introduced her to my neighbor (neighbor Paul), and Jean, being a dentist, immediately noticed that he had a crooked front tooth.  By way of introduction, she said “hello,” and then followed up with “you know, I can fix number 10 for you.”  Something you say to someone immediately upon meeting them. 

Dave’s a bit different.  He’s more calculated in all his activities.  He also has a much more calming nature about him.  He’s not an intense person like Jean, but rather, he knows how to calm her down in intense situations.  So while they have many similar interests, I think it’s their different personalities that attract them to one another.  Their opposing personalities also make them better people together.  Jean has taught Dave organization, structure, and promptness.  And amazingly, I think that Dave’s calming nature has rubbed off on my sister.  

Take, for example, a recent event some of you may have seen described on Jean’s Facebook status.  On the drive up from DC for the wedding, we had a bit of a mishap. On the top of our car there was a carrier that held all of their ski gear and other items.  While driving along I-95, we suddenly realized something was amiss with the carrier, so pulled over on the highway.  Dave got out to investigate, only to discover that he had neglected to lock said carrier.  Defeated, he got back into the car, sat down, and stared blankly ahead.  He then informed us that Jean’s ski bag, which contained two of her favorite pairs of boots, was gone.  He looked like he was going to cry, and frankly – looked a little bit scared.  Expecting the worst, I braced myself for the imminent wrath of Jean.  But, I was pleasantly surprised.  Jean, realizing that Dave obviously didn’t do this on purpose, and that the only reason for this occurrence was him being extremely overtired, miraculously said “it’s okay.” “It’s okay?!”  I was seeing a whole new side of Jean.  The pre-Dave Jean would have lost her temper and yelled, but my sister was instead even tempered and…calm…patient.  She was taking on the role of Dave!

So as I’m telling this story, I’m looking at the audience but also at Jean and Dave. Mid-story, I see Dave gesturing to add something to the story that was not prepared. Not wanting to mess up my flow, i.e. eff up the speech, I did not say this. But what Dave was trying to get me to say was that the reason the carrier was left open in the first place was because I had asked him for the keys to go back inside to help Jean bring the rest of our items out to the car. Normally, Dave leaves the key in the carrier while loading it up and then locks it before closing the lid. Well, since there was no key in the carrier when he went to shut it this time (because I had it), naturally, he was insinuating that it was my fault the lid was not locked. He wasn’t going to blame it on me, but he just wanted to let me know that was the reason. As only a true bother should. Carrying on…

Of course I say these things about my sister, but she’s my best friend.  We are super close and have been all our lives.  To that end, I am overjoyed that she’s found someone who makes her a better person and who treats her like the amazing individual that she is.  And I can’t say enough good things about Dave, or “bro” as I have been calling him ever since they got engaged.  I couldn’t have asked for my sister to have found a better person, and I know Dave will treat Jean right for the rest of their lives. 

And with that, I’d like to offer a toast. 

To Jean and Dave.  That they lead a lifetime of happiness in their marriage, that they remain the best of friends, treat each other with respect and dignity, and continue to love, trust, and cherish one another as a happily married couple should.

Okay, I just realized that I can’t end this post here. There are actually far too many ridiculous memories that actually are bloggable that I can post here. I will tease you with a few now:

  1. Standing at the alter, the deacon opens with “We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Sss….. (awkward pause) Jean, and Dave.” Wait, WHAT?! Did I just hear correctly? Did she almost say MY name rather than my sisters? Gathering from the look of Dave, and his best man right behind him, who were both looking at me with a “did that really just happen” look of pure amazement, I did not imagine that. She almost married me to Dave. Mind you, this is mid-ceremony. But the look on Dave’s face as well as the look on the best man’s face led me to naturally burst out in laughter…at the alter. It was like being in church back in the day when me and my sisters could not stop laughing, even though we knew it was entirely not appropriate to laugh at that moment. But this wasn’t just like I was sitting in a pew during a Sunday service. I was in the spotlight, at the alter….and I could NOT STOP LAUGHING. Thanks Dave for the look on your face that led to my uncontrolable laughter. It wasn’t until Liv started punching me from behind that I realized I needed to get a grip. Does someone have this on video?
  2. Wedding party being introduced to the reception hall to Gangham Style. Wouldn’t have been my first choice in songs, but, guys…this was good. At least, my tipsy ass thought it was good at the time. Each couple walked in doing their own dance. My favorite was probably the one in which our friend Stephen and M walked in normally but then halfway started doing the ridiculous dance that Stephen is infamously known for. I can’t even describe how ridiculous the dance it, but trust me on this one – it’s ridiculous. Something between the Elaine Sienfeld flailing arm thing combined with this odd kicking motion. After each couple rolled in hot, we slapped hands walking down the entire (9 person deep) wedding party line like we were coming in from the baseball field. It was then that I knew….this was going to be a fun wedding.
  3. Ant’s toast. If you were there, I need not say more. This was hands down the best wedding toast I have ever witnessed. Heartfelt, hilarious, not too short or long, with props…this thing could not be beat. Ant is introduced, but doesn’t jump up from a table. Instead, she makes an entrance by opening the front door to the reception hall dressed as 5th grade Jean. Mind you, Jean had the biggest “shark” in school. For whatever reason, when we were growing up at the time it was very popular for girls to hairspray their bangs straight up into the air as high as possible, looking similar to a shark fin. So Ant strolls into the reception hall upon introduction with rolled up jeans, a silk shirt, a tie….and the shark. That in itself was amazing. But the toast was hilarious and awe-inspiring. Thank you Ant for the amazing toast. It will never be forgotten.
  4. Similar to Liv’s wedding, and many thanks to John, we literally just danced our asses off for three hours. Some good stuff there. I recall some solid dance offs between characters of all ages from both sides of the family. And I wouldn’t recall this but for pictures, but at one point a few people decided to lift the bride off the floor into a plank-like, dirty dancing type situation.
  5. I also recall honestly contemplating with Elle doing a wedding party pyramid at 9pm sharp. All we needed to do was send the pyramid hand signal to John that we were ready to go, and we’d create the biggest pyramid of all time in wedding attire. What more could a bride ask for? Sadly, this did not happen until about 1am at the hotel bar, but the entire wedding party was not included. The bride did end up on the top and we have the picture to prove it. Good stuff right there.
  6. This last bullet has nothing to do with the actual wedding ceremony. But it does have to do with the carrier. Full circle. For a reason still unbenounced to me, my sister and Dave wanted good old Sara to drive them to the airport in Newark to see them off on their honeymoon. This would then require me to continue to drive their car back to DC. Thinking I’d be driving an automatic vehicle when I agreed to this, I said yes. But, I was stuck with Dave’s father’s stick shift. Mind you, I can drive a stick shift. Or at least, I could back in high school. I’m not sure what happened over a 15 year span, but let’s just say…I’m a little rusty. Highway action was fine, but when I finally got back to DC, blame it on being hungover from the wedding, blame it on exhaustion, whatever…I was stalling all over the place. To make matters worse, I had to parallel park it at my place by backing uphill into the parking spot. This consisted of me finally edging in, but not far enough back. I was literally leveraging the car in front of me by using it to prevent me from rolling down the hill while I attempted to reverse, but not too fast for fear of hitting the car behind me. Before being on the verge of tears, I gave up and left the car parked way too close to (i.e. touching) the car in front of me and also way too far away from the curb (so pretty much in the middle of the road). Panicking that I wouldn’t be able to get out in the morning, I called Dave’s parents to see if they could come get the car. To no avail. I was left with the car and had to drive it to work the next morning. Which wouldn’t be a big deal except that I forgot the carrier was on top of the car. So picture Sara moseying along to work, no stalls yet at all so I’m happy. I peel into the parking garage at full speed, forgetting that the carrier is on top of the car, and not noticing how low the garage ceiling is. You see where this is going. Car goes into garage, car and carrier manage to somehow squeeze through the short distance between ground and ceiling. After I get into the garage, I think maybe some ice has fallen off the top and that’s what the odd noise was. But that’s when I realize….I just scraped the carrier on the top of the garage. Just awesome. I proceed to stall about 5 times before parking the car. Luckily no major damage and Dave’s parents were able to extract the vehicle and carrier from the garage without incident, and then the thing was out of my hair. Just some more fun in parking garages with Sara.

And with that, I will end this blog post. Guys, this wedding was so much fun. Weddings as of late have been fun, but it is hard to get such an anticipated celebration to actually live up to the hype. Well, this actually exceeded expectations. I am still amazed that so many of our friends were able to make the treck from all over for this awesome celebration. It was so great to have our family and friends all gathered in one place at the same time. In the words of Elle, “this wedding topped all Dewey trips and NYE 2009 combined.” I didn’t think that was possible. Thank you.

Did I get married? haha


September 18, 2012

I want to know why I’ve been saying “dude” so much recently. Usually it’s to make a point, and for some reason I feel like I’m saying it to just one person who I tend to speak with often. Allow me to introduce my friend Amy to the blog, this is her first appearance. “Dude, get this…” “Dude, didn’t I email you about this already?” “Dude, I think I broke my foot.” Things of that substance and nature.

Sorry that was a sidebar.

What I meant to tell you is that now that my windows are open and I’m getting a whiff of this wonderfully humid air (it’s 93% right now just so you know), I also now hear everything outside my window. Granted I live in the woods and there is not too much going on out there besides that random mountain lion howl. My neighbors now, naturally, are smokers. So yesterday I was able to get a sniff of their cigarette smoke like the good old days. However, DUDE, I swear…a helicopter, airplane, or some flying object literally almost hit this building. It was so loud going by that I thought for sure it was going to crash into it and I was going to die. I saw my life flash before my eyes just now. Literally.

But dude, I made it. Will continue to sip on some wine on my new couch. Such a relief.

Fan of fans

January 24, 2011

Someone found my blog by googling “fan in my condo wakes me up.” I found this ironic considering my fan is the only thing that helps me sleep. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without my beloved fan. How would I sleep through that dreaded hacking cough next door or the car alarms wreaking havoc outside my front window? I am proud to be a Fan of Fans. And with that, I leave with you my fan:

my fan

Have a restful sleep tonight everyone,


**I’m sorry that I didn’t clarify. Fans of fans use their fans for white noise to block out any sudden loud sounds that would ordinarily wake one up, not the wind factor.**

funny post follow-up

December 28, 2010

And just so everyone doesn’t think that I’ve lost it, here’s a follow-up happy post. Because even though some things haven’t gone well, the rest of my life has. On that note, here’s a quick rundown of funny and/or good things that have happened recently or that I’m looking forward to:

1) Volunteering in 2011. My efforts in 2010 have been lackluster. Will make amends in 2011.
2) NEW YEARS EVE. Okay so the past few years I’ve decided to stay in or head to a house party, and I’ve had a blast. This year I’m trying something new. Hanging with UBG, et al., we will be hitting up a dinner and then heading out to one of those all you can drink fiascos. Except that this one is actually a good deal, and the crowd number is limited. Best part about it is that our group keeps exanding. For dinner alone we now have about 15 people. The friend list expands exponentially for the party. It is nice to have a solid group of friends and I’m super pumped. It’s nice to be popular. Love you guys. LML
3) That’s all for now. I really just got excited about NYE.
4) Oh wait…quick recap on an eHarmony date I had the other night. Besides him likely being gay, we were eating a pork belly sandwich which ended up being way fattier than I had anticipated. Since I couldn’t chew it, I logically spit the fat into my napkin [flashback to our childhood during steak dinners when we would stick the chewed fat under the dining room table so our parents would think we ate it…yep, normal upbringing]. About half an hour later, I forgot that I had spit the fat into the napkin. As we were talking, I picked up the napkin to wipe my mouth, and out fell the fat onto the floor. It was rather…Sara-like. Luckily he laughed. Too bad he’s gay.
5) Regardless, eHarmony is a done deal (see prior post). In fact as soon as I post this I will get on that site and cancel the subscription for good.
6) Can I get a paycheck please? Work somehow managed to not pay me last week when they were supposed to. So, rent will be late, I’m running on a $0 checking account balance, and NYE is rapidly approaching. Things are looking up.
7) I bought a new pair of boots today to make me feel better. I know, I know…I literally have no money. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Sometimes a little retail therapy will help.
8) Good: My neighbor is a chain smoker and when he smokes in his apartment it drifts into mine. It’s absolutely disgusting. Well, he just came by to make sure his smoking was no longer bothering me…he has agreed to smoke out on the ‘balcony’ or downstairs. In fact, I hadn’t even noticed any smoke today and hopefully the situation has been rectified. There are kind people in this world.

That’s all for now folks. More to come soon. It’s been a good 2010, but it’s time to start anew in 2011.


from art galleries to raging dance parties

December 3, 2010

It is with great hilarity that I present to you the most recent edition of a day in my life. You all may recall that I am currently on eHarmony. Well more recently I figured I’d put a little more effort into it than a simple once per week check of my email. Without fail, that has resulted in a plethora of what I have thought are pretty legit men with relationship potential, i.e. three dates this week alone, similar to my run two years ago on the mealplan. My Tuesday date was inexplicably HOT. When I say hot, I mean melt into your eyes hot. But that is not the point of this post. Let’s just say that the eHarmony selection has not been too shabby as of late.

And this brings me to last night, my second date of the week. I was pretty excited for this one. For some reason as soon as I saw the profile, I felt an instant connection, at least on paper. The guy is a bit on the eclectic side, an artist, different than the typical lawyer or Fed who works 60 hours per week. He looked cute in the pics, and his emails were adorable. So when he asked me to go to the Phillips Collection Art Gallery in Dupont as a first date, I thought that was a brilliant option considering usually online dates consist of drinks at a bar and then food if it goes well.

I arrive at Phillips and look for him at the front door, but no one stands out. I see a guy walking around who looks like he’s looking for someone; it must be him. I go up to said guy and ask, “are you Fred?” This question is always a gamble in the online dating world.

At this point I’m getting a better look at this guy and he’s not really looking like Fred, however, he looks very familiar. I think with dread that this could quite possibly be another guy that I’m currently talking to on eHarmony. But no, it can’t be. What are the chances of that?

The guy responds with, “no, I’m Chris. Are you…Sara?”

My worst fear is confirmed. I have just asked a guy who is not the guy I’m meeting that night if he is Fred, and he is not Fred but Chris, another guy I’m talking to concurrently on eHarmony. Seriously? Did that really just happen? I make things even worse by saying, “oh, did I just email you today?” I did not email Chris.

At this point I’m of course laughing my ass off; I could not help it. It was too absurd. There is no way out of it so I tell Chris that I’m actually meeting another guy from eHarmony there, and that I’m sorry. Chris just replies, “you must get a lot of dates.” Wonderful. Chris goes along to meet his friends and I continue on my search for Fred.

I see another guy standing against the wall. Doesn’t really look like Fred but I figure at least this guy doesn’t look familiar so maybe I’ll ask if it’s him. Not Fred. I’m now batting 0 for 2.

Finally, I get a text from Fred saying he got my ticket and is at the front. I don’t see any more single guys standing around, but he finally appears. Oh, this looks like the guy in the pics. Fred. I’m still in shock and of course laughing at what just occurred so my big mouth goes and actually tells Fred what had happened. I’m sorry, but if you can’t see the humor in that, then we are not meant to be together. I don’t think Fred got the humor. So clearly we were off to a really great start.

No need to go into the details of the date because there is nothing spectacular to report. Besides awkwardly running into Chris during the course of the time at Phillips and Fred later actually asking me to split the bill at the restaurant we went to afterward [guys – this is the kiss of death on a first date. DO NOT DO THIS], I’m sure prim and proper artist Fred was very impressed that right after the date, I was heading off to a David Guetta show at Fur Nightclub, sure to be a completely ridiculous rager full of dancing and staying out till 4am. I don’t really think he got that. Frankly, I didn’t get it either. Point is that he clearly is not my future husband, as I had predicted.

Now, if Chris sees the humor in what happened last night and responds to my apology email, maybe he is actually my future husband. Here’s to hoping there is one out there. And the search continues…