October 30, 2009

Some things are just too good to be true. Remember Romeo? Well, we can just add him to the break-up rolls. Another one bites the dust, as my mother loves to say. I haven’t gone into detail about him earlier because I figured things might actually work out with this one, and I actually liked him. First of all, let’s just point out that I rarely like someone and think I have a connection with them, so I was just going to roll with it. Cool. Let’s move to date 1. We go out. He tells me he has children. Twins at that. Okay, minor glitch in the potential level for him, but I can get over that. You see, when you get to a certain age, some things you just have to learn to accept if you have a connection with someone. If I was 25, sure, kids would be a problem. But when you get into your 30’s, the likelihood of someone having children and/or being divorced gets to be a bit higher. I figured as long as the person cares for the kids and tells you up front about it, you should be able to accept it. And if you love the person enough, then him already having children becomes inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Okay so that was my thinking. Then he tells me he doesn’t have a relationship with the mother of the children. Great! Then maybe I’ll give this guy a chance. Sure, he has kids (who mind you live in Europe), but he’s not “attached” to anyone, minus the fact that she is the mother of his children. While not ideal (the twins thing throws a little wrench into the equation), I figure I can get over it if I grow to like this cat a lot and I think we are moving toward something substantial.

So move on to dates 2, 3, and 4. Great. No need to go into detail, and yes the first couple dates I was still a bit iffy about him, but nonetheless, I was definitely starting to like him after date 4. When I was with him, I really didn’t feel like anything else mattered and was just enjoying the moment. Okay so maybe he seemed a bit on the dorky side and definitely not like someone I would ordinarily date as far as eccentricity level, but hey, the connection I felt would have allowed me to get over these minor issues (and the whole kids thing).

Let’s move to date 5. Actually let’s take it back to this past weekend when I met up with a friend. Granted she is younger, but she talked some sense into me and told me that I needed to ask more questions about this little “child” issue. So, that I did. Never one to hold things back (or so he said), he tells me he’s about to go on a trip to Europe, which I knew about before. However, he failed to mention before that he was going on this trip with the mother of his children. Okay, this sounds suspicious. Let me pry some more. Yes, he now tells me he’s in an “open relationship” with her. Seriously? What the hell am I doing here with you then? Just questions running through my mind as I’m sitting there talking to him. Then he tells me he didn’t think I was looking for anything serious. What in the world would give off that vibe? Do I look like someone who just wants to go whoring it up with random dudes I meet? I think not. Soon thereafter, I just got up and left. I mean, what is the point? Granted it was only five dates, but seriously people, just be straightforward about your relationship status. If you have to lie about something, clearly you shouldn’t be doing it.

Annnnnd….another one bites the dust. I am just about to throw in the towel altogether on dating. Is it that hard to find someone you want to spend significant amounts of time with and who you could potentially have a future with? Apparently, it is. So long, Romeo. Better luck next time.


more morning fun

October 29, 2009

I was late to work this morning. Yes, later than my normal 10am start time. Okay fine, I got in at 10:10am, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I was late because while I was in the bathroom getting ready, I noticed some commotion in the parking lot outside my window. There were about three men kind of scoping the parking lot out, walking from a location I couldn’t see back to the entrance. Next thing I know, one of the guys extracts a shotgun from the corner of the parking lot, the corner that I can’t see. At this point, I’m ducking behind the window so they won’t look up and see me, because clearly something shady is going on. The group of men then proceed to extract the bullets out of the shotgun. Totally normal activity going on outside my window. As they are doing this, I notice that every so often they will look back to the spot where they found the shotgun, off in the corner of the parking lot that I can’t see from my bathroom window. Soon after, I see neighbors are hiding behind the fence, similar to what I’m doing, but taking pictures of the scene. They are taking pictures of what is in the corner of the parking lot. Fearing the worst, I figure it’s a dead body. I move to the living room window, and low and behold, I see a deer which was apparently thrown in the corner. But the poor thing is moving! Clearly, it is barely hanging on. How the hell did a deer get to the middle of a parking lot in the city? Obviously some a hole shot the thing, then didn’t know what to do with it, so dropped it in a parking lot in the District. All I can say is WTF. And the poor deer. Who does this happen to? The people gradually got up the nerve to pick up the deer and load it in a truck. I am guessing they are going to try to save it since they didn’t just shoot it on site. At least, I hope that is what they were doing. So folks, that is why I was late to work this morning. A random near-dead deer and shotgun were extracted from a parking lot outside my window. Totally normal.

Sara’s words of wisdom

October 28, 2009

Life.  It’ll throw you for a loop sometimes.  Just when you think you’ve got things all figured out, something unexpected comes along and what you thought you had is no longer there.  Or someone you love gets sick.  Or a friend’s best friend dies in a freak car accident at 27.  Or your mom gets cancer.  Or someone gets stabbed and killed during a fight in an area where ordinarily nothing bad ever happens.  But that’ll never happen to you because you are invincible and nothing bad has happened yet.   We take life for granted, we take our health for granted, we take what we have for granted.  But really, you never know what will happen next or where life will take you.  So live it to the fullest while it’s still there because life is short.  Tell those you love that you love them.  Do things that make you happy.  Make decisions and stick to them, don’t look back with regrets.  Sara’s words of wisdom for the day.

6:15pm in the office

October 26, 2009

I just overheard my boss use the word “rigamarole.”  Get me out of here.

Markoff’s Haunted Forest

October 26, 2009

One word: amazing.  For those of you in the DC area, if you haven’t had the luxury of traveling out to Poolesville, MD to visit Markoff’s, you need to.  I, for one, do not by any stretch of the imagination watch scary movies.  After watching The Shining in college, I vowed to never watch another scary movie again and have stuck to that vow.  Now what possessed me to want to walk through a haunted forest, I have no idea.  But the drive and $25 downpayment were well worth it and then some.  Let me explain.

We finally arrive at our destination last night after Dave so kindly stopped to allow me to pick up a two cheeseburger meal from McDonald’s on the way.  I’m finishing up the burger and have a few fries remaining as we walk up to the entrance.  I wasn’t expecting to be scared immediately upon arriving at the place, but low and behold, this dude dressed up in a scary costume decides he wants my fries.  I wasn’t expecting anyone to scare me at the door, so pretty much ran away as soon as I saw him and tried to hide behind my sister.  Note to newbies:  they prey on the scared.  It’s like a bully will prey on someone who can’t stand up for themselves and who they know will be bothered by the bullying.  So, if you don’t want to be bothered, simply try laughing in their face like my sister was doing and you might be okay.  I, however, decided to run and hide, naturally.  For some reason this ghoul wanted my fries.  So instead of offering up a few, which would mean allowing him to stick his bloody hands in my fry container (OCD dilemma), I just gave him the whole thing.  After getting the fries, he decided to prey on other victims, and we could see him eating the fries the whole time.  At one point he even put the entire container up to his mouth to finish them off.  For some reason, this was hilarious to me.  I knew this was going to be a good time.

I don’t feel like being an ad for this place, so I won’t go into detail about what else they offer while you are waiting to go into the forest, but for an extra fee, you can do a zipline, rock climbing wall, paintball, haunted hayride (I would venture to say this is safer than the forest), and some sort of bungee jumping thing.  Personally, I was content drinking some hot apple cider and sitting by the fire.  You really couldn’t ask for a more appropriate fall activity.  After a while and depending upon the crowd, they will call your number and you enter the haunted forest with your group.  Let’s just say I can’t imagine going in this thing alone, or even with just two people.  I would say the bigger the group, the better.  We had five so were good to go (or so we thought).

We have a battle about who is going first since the entrance looks pretty ominous, until the girl at the gate tells us that we need to move.  So naturally, we make the biggest guy go first (blog: Matt).  Matt is reveling in this whole thing, and basically leads the pack the whole time.  His girlfriend, (blog: Helen), is more scared than I am.  I didn’t realize how scared she was until she literally started crying at one point.  At that point, we were pretty much in the middle of the trail and stuck, but she demanded to be brought out of the forest.  She had actually researched protocol before going to the forest, and had learned that if you say “STOP” to them, they will stop.  Unfortunately for Helen, her “STOP” apparently meant “GO,” and they continued to torture her until Matt told them they needed to stop.  I don’t know if it was the chainsaws or people jumping out left and right, but something snapped in her and she just was not having any more of it.  Luckily, this was at the end of the trail, because I was seriously starting to fear for her life.  While it was scary, I wasn’t exactly fearing for my life simply because I had learned a trick.  If you plug your ears, you won’t be as scared by the sudden sounds.  Sure, maybe this took away from the experience a bit, but I was not about to have a heart attack on the trails of a haunted forest.  It was still pretty damn scary.

I must say that even though I planned this trip, I almost bailed on it myself, mainly because I wasn’t feeling 100% and it ended up being two couples and me.  I didn’t want to be the fifth wheel.  Luckily for me, I did not feel like a fifth wheel at any point along the ride.  This was because we were all linked together arm in arm through the entire walk for pure safety purposes and peace of mind, which ended up being a good half hour or so.  Not only that, but we all emerged from the forest when it was over in a sweat, like we had worked out or something.  Scared shitless.  That about describes the experience.

Lessons learned from the haunted forest: (1) go.  I am tempted to go back this week it was so good; (2) Don’t act scared, they will prey on you if you do; (3) “STOP” doesn’t work in many instances, you are pretty much screwed; (4) even though they are not supposed to touch you, they will; (5) never, in any circumstance, go alone or with only one other person – the larger the group the better in terms of scare factor; (6) they like french fries; (7) wear layers – it’s freezing outside but as soon as you start walking through the forest, you will work up a sweat from pure adreneline; and (8) try plugging your ears to prevent heart attack.  Works like a charm.

morning fun

October 26, 2009

On my walk to the metro this morning, I suddenly felt something wet hit my lip.  Fearing for the worst (i.e. another bird pooping incident), I brought my hand down to wipe whatever nastiness it was off, and realized it was a bug.  I was wearing my usual Victoria’s Secret lipgloss, and when the thing hit my lip, it was dead on contact.  This must be some pretty deadly lipgloss.  After picking it off my lip with my fingernail and finally figuring out what it was, I had no idea what to do with this thing.  My initial reaction was to wipe it on a leaf on the side of the road, but people were walking by and I figured I might look like a fool, so decided against that option.  So I kept walking with the thing on my nail trying to decide what to do with it.  Lord knows I wasn’t going to wipe it on my pants or something.  Finally I came upon a street sign, and for some reason, I didn’t think I would look like a fool if I wiped it on the metal part of the sign, so just did that.  For the remainder of the walk, other thoughts crossed my mind…do I smear my lips together like I normally would after having recently applied chapstick?  That would mean I was smearing the bug guts around on my lips.  Disgusting.  Luckily by the time I got to the metro I had forgotten about it.  But now that I am thinking about it again, I probably should wipe my lips off since I’ll probably obsessively think about it until I do.  Good times.

all Asians look alike

October 23, 2009

I swear my life is a walking Seinfeld episode.  That or I’m Larry David from Curb, but not an ass hole like he is.  I don’t even know where to begin with this story, but let’s take it back to this summer when I was at Goody’s one weekend.  Goody’s, for those of you who live in a cave, is a pizza/ice cream/sandwich shop in Clarendon that serves late night food for the party crowd and is also open all day.  This could be an entirely separate blog post but basically the owners are my parents away from home and are amazing people.  That being besides the point, one night over the summer my friend Alex (girl..pen name) and I went to Goody’s late one evening to grab a slice or two after the bar.  We take up our usual spot at a table, and somehow or another these two random dudes walk in, and next thing I know, I’m arm wrestling the Asian one.  No idea how this even came about, but long story short, I beat him fair and square (not even kidding…we all know I am reigning arm wrestling champ).  So the Asian (he asked to be called “Big D” in this blog, which is ironic since I beat him at arm wrestling, but who am I to judge?) and I become friends and the rest is history.

So let’s fast forward to Pete’s bday party a few weekends ago.  Everyone and their mother makes an appearance, including all relevant parties in this story: Alex, Big D, and Felipe (who is also Asian…I know, you would have guessed Spanish).  Alex had met Big D the night of the arm wrestling match at Goody’s.  At the bday party, she approaches Felipe and says “you’re the arm wrestling guy!” and asks if he wants to arm wrestle.  So what Alex did, in this insance, was confuse Felipe (an Asian) for Big D (another Asian), even though they look nothing alike.  Thanks for the material Alex.

So as I mentioned in an earlier post, the girl the ex dated after me was at the party that night and was texting the ex, who relayed to me that she stated that there was a tall black dude and an Asian at the party.  Apparently the ex thinks I have only one Asian and one tall black friend, so named who he thought these two individuals to be based simply on the description that she saw a tall black guy and an Asian.  [Blog: tall black guy = Tyrone, Asian = Hung]. This is about how it went down via text: “You were at a birthday party.  Tyrone and Hung were there.”  Neither of these people were at the party, which I found amusing.  So basically, Felipe was mistaken for both Big D and Hung in one night.  Good stuff right there.

So Big D just told me last night he was at a club and a black guy walked into the bathroom and mistook him for another Asian guy.  This type of thing is happening left and right.  Is there a term for this?  Are people who make this mistake racist?  Or is it simply a stereotype that all Asians and black people look alike?  I happened to look this up, and one article termed it “stereotypical homogenization.”  Deep.  Doing this research, I came across something stating that there is actually an Office episode called “All Asians Look Alike.”  I feel honored knowing that I am blogging about the same topic as an episode of The Office; not only that, but we came up with the same exact title.  Adding producing to the career option list.