April 1, 2011

I’ve really enjoyed saying that recently. A simple statement that means so much. hello. I’ve gone so long without posting that I figured I’d just post something random; stream of consciousness if you will. A couple points I’d like to just get out of the way off the bat:

  1. I have an uncanny ability of running into the last person in the world I want to see at the time when I would least like to see them. Does this happen to others as it does to me? Last week I broke down and called New Guy. Yes, New Guy who I dated about a year ago and who I haven’t spoken to in months. Why I called him I have no idea, I suppose it is tough working in the building next to his and being reminded of him daily. Anyway, I missed him and I called him. He never returned my call. Okay that’s fine, figured he was out of town or something. No. Next day I go up to the cafeteria and he’s eating lunch with his new girlfriend, who just so happens to work on the 7th floor of my building. I dare you to find someone who has worse luck than me. I really don’t think that person exists. But the story gets worse. I’m a little bummed about it, but instead of going home and moping I figure I’ll meet a friend of mine at Redline that night who I hadn’t seen in a while. Great idea! Think again.  I walk into Redline, looking for my friend…and who is sitting at the bar? Are you kidding me? New Guy. What the hell are the chances of this happening. Even worse is that he acts like he doesn’t see me. Wonderful. New Guy if you are reading this, I really don’t care anymore. Eff it. Hello.
  2. Bad luck number two: I got a new job. However, I have yet to get the “official” offer from the new gig. It has a been a month, but that is besides the point. I am just biding my time away here, and yesterday was a fairly stressful day. How do I explain this…let’s just say the day finally ended, and I just wanted to get the heck out of work and not be reminded of how stressful the day was. I’m waiting for the metro, and notice the person in front of me is the last person I want to see…the man who tasked us with this lovely project for the day. I had to make small talk, he apologized for being mean on a call, and then thanked me profusely for getting the work done. Not the worst thing in the world, definitely no worse than seeing New Guy last week, but really…I have bad luck. The only thing you can do is shake your head and laugh.
  3. I’m just waiting for the 3rd strike here – who will I run into at the most inopportune time?
  4. I’ve been seeing 21. Do you remember 21? I use the word “seeing” loosely, mind you. I ran into him over New Years after a four year hiatus. Great find I must say (see prior Puma posts). He’s a cutie, and now he’s 25. But I still call him 21 because no one would know who I was referring to if I used his actual real name.
  5. Penis pic is also back in the picture, since he’s 21’s best friend. Kid is a real trip. I may have missed him more than I did 21 for the past four years.
  6. I got off eharmony. It was a total drag. But then started getting these random emails from okcupid, apparently I signed up 3 years ago but do not remember doing so. So far, it has been entertaining. I have nothing on my profile but have gotten a few hits from some cuties after only being on the site for a day. Maybe the key is to put as little into your profile as possible, but a picture or two. Gets them every time.
  7. 21 is on okcupid. He’ll be sitting next to me at my place and I see he has the site pulled up on his phone, he always shuts it right away so I won’t see…but my eagle eye spots it. His “looking for” age range on the site is like 22-28 (Mo tracked him down on the site…she really is the master investigator). Did I mention I am 32? I suppose I don’t fit into his ideal age range.
  8. I’m a little too obsessed with Foursquare recently. My activities sometimes revolve around retaining mayorships and checking in for badges/points. This is a problem.
  9. Got another rose last night from some bartender. I may try to post a pic of it later. It was a sweet gesture. But I have to wonder why I get lots of fake roses, but never the real thing. This one is made out of a napkin.
  10. I wear a nice ring on my left hand, strategically placed on my middle finger. It is not on my ring finger. I am leaving that open for an engagement ring, God willing. However, it is frequently mistaken for an engagement ring. Are guys this stupid? The answer is yes. Clearly I need to start wearing the ring on my right hand. However, something tells me that even then my relationship status will be up for interpretation.
  11. I had a dream that UConn lost last night in the Final Four. That doesn’t bode well for us. What I want to know is why the hell I am dreaming about basketball.

Tis all for now. More later. Talk to you soon. Missed you.

* this post is all true even though it’s April 1st.


What’s the score?

January 30, 2011

Puma Theory: 1
Regular dating: 0

Puma theory

January 24, 2011

Theoretically, I hear that women in their 30’s who date men in their 20’s works well, in a number of ways. Can anyone testify to this novel concept?



January 12, 2010

Men. I will never really understand them, but that probably goes without saying. Men don’t understand us, we don’t understand them. At this point, and since I am having so little luck with men recently, perhaps I should consider lesbianism. Just kidding. Lucky for you mom and dad, there is no chance in hell that would ever happen. Women kind of gross me out, men definitely do not, so that inherently tells me that the women option is out of the question for me. Bummer.

For some odd reason, I have this tendency to like younger men. I don’t mean 21 year old men, but men a few years younger than me (let’s just conveniently discount 21 here for a minute). No clue why this is, but I’m going to guess it is because most of my friends are younger than me, so the people I usually meet are younger than me too. Older men do not appeal to me at all. They are generally pretty boring, but maybe I am generalizing a bit too much. And the older men that I have dated don’t have their shit together anyway, so may as well go with a younger guy. Younger guys are just more fun and carefree than the older stooges.

There is an exception to that rule though. Let’s take Scantron, for instance. This guy is way older than me (by way I mean about 8.5 years). That is a bit much. Honestly, if he was a bit younger, I might consider it. However, he doesn’t act old and is a fun guy. Also, it is now blatantly obvious to me that he likes me. He shows this by way of gift giving on a daily basis, whether it be food, candy, Wizards tickets, you name it – he has probably tried to entice me to his cube that way. Recently, he has been emailing, facebooking, texting, and calling. Just the other day, I received this goldmine of a one-liner via email – “I feel like an old man enticing a little kid with candy!” Gold.

These are some pretty obvious signs. But of course, when someone likes me, what else would happen but me not liking them back. Scantron’s personality is great, but I am just not as attracted to him as I should be. Maybe it’s because he is so much older than me. At least he is older and fun though, so maybe I should give him a chance. [P.S. I am NOT giving him this blog information because I want to continue to write about him in the future…there is just too much good material there.]

Speaking of dating younger guys, Mo just sent me this article about pumas. Pumas, if you don’t know already, are one step down from a cougar. According to the article, pumas are “cougars in training.” A puma is a woman in her 30’s and a cougar is a woman in her 40’s. Thankfully, I have not yet hit cougar status, and don’t plan to. And I don’t want to call myself a puma, because I certainly do not limit myself to dating any race or age, but am I? If you generally date guys 2-3 years younger than yourself, does that make you a puma?  I hope not.

I am just not meeting anyone of substance these days. So, I am now officially considering doing eHarmony. Call me crazy, but I am definitely past the casual relationship thing (which you will find on match.com…or perhaps on craigslist casual encounters). eHarmony is something for those who are more relationship oriented. That would be me. It has also recently come to my attention that some of my guy friends are actually on there, so that means there are normal guys on it! And again, if nothing else, I will obviously get some good blogging material from signing up. It all goes back to the blog.

the pleasures of pix messaging

November 10, 2009

While we’re discussing 21, I’d like to bring up the topic of inappropriate text messages.   You see, the night I met 21 at the infamous SBR, I also met his best friend.   Dude was a bit creepy, but I was nice to him simply because he was 21’s best friend.   Whenever 21 wasn’t around, and actually even when he was, best friend would hit on me.   Even though this kid was a bit older at 24, obviously that did not make it right.   Now I can’t remember if this happened before or after 21 and I stopped talking, but one time best friend and I were texting for some reason, and next thing I know he texts me a picture of his penis.   Totally out of the blue.  Have you ever gotten this before ladies?  Quite a treat.   I know my little sister Liv has received one or two in her time.   Anyway, this one was special because not only was it fairly large, but you could see he was pleasuring himself in front of the computer because the penis was found over the keyboard.  Come to think of it, I still have the phone where the infamous penis pic can be found.  I would post it, since he clearly deserved something like that, but this is not a porn site so I will spare you.  I mean, seriously who does this happen to?  And why in the world would this character think I actually wanted to see a pic of his penis?  Did I give off the impression that I was looking for that little mid day pick-me-up?  I am pretty sure the old phone is in storage, otherwise I would find the chain of events that led him to send me a pic of himself jerking off.  I still remember being befuddled as to what exactly would prompt that.  I know I wasn’t provoking it.  In fact, I remember being at work at the time, minding my own business and receiving it randomly.  Picture me sitting in my office just going about the day, and BAM.  Penis.  Goodness.

More run-ins

November 10, 2009

I really love running into people I used to date.  This past Friday night, I was out at Liberty Tavern in Clarendon and who did I see?  Good ole Rico.  If you don’t recall from previous posts, this was the dude who ended things because he said he didn’t want to start something only to end it soon thereafter, since he was picking up and moving to Colombia in August.  I’ll just remind you that it’s November and he still seems to be here, unless he has a twin brother I was unaware of.  On Friday night we made eye contact and then he hid behind a pole the whole time to avoid me.  Good thinking.  Because if he was anywhere near me I would have asked him how the hookah bar he was planning to start up in Colombia was going.  Was he perhaps just back in DC on a vacation?

Okay I must really have too many ex’s because when I was 28, I decided it was okay to date a 21 year old.  Call me what you will, but I must have been off with the ex or something and decided to test out a younger dude.  Well I was just out at Busboys and Poets, and who do I see?  21.  Yes, this was his nickname.  In fact, I just had to dig deep in this bottomless pit I call my memory to remember what his actual name is.  I haven’t seen 21 since we called it quits, I guess about three years ago.  This is a classic.  Long story short, I finally decide its okay to invite him to my place.  We are making out on the couch and then he starts kissing my stomach.  Cool.  However, soon enough I feel a biting pain, literally, where he is kissing.  I’m thinking that something is off.  Hoping it will soon end, but not comfortable enough with him yet to put an end to it (maybe he thinks older women like biting?), the pain keeps getting worse.  Finally, I look down and see that he is gripping the skin from my stomach with his teeth and pulling.  WTF?  At this point, I finally freak out and decide enough is enough.  He was pulling my skin so hard that he drew blood.  Seriously?  This was 21.  I probably would have just said hi to him, but I was actually meeting my ex who happened to be standing about 5 feet away in the book section.  Why was I meeting the ex?  I have no idea.  Half the time I wonder why I do the things I do.  Regardless, the ex and I are only friends…after all, it’s been a good couple of years now since we actually dated.  Listening to him talk, I am pretty sure I am over him anyway.  Just two old pals hanging out, with 21 a few feet away.  Oh the irony.