In my day, I have met some interesting characters. Last night, however, may have taken the cake. We were at a work happy hour at Vapiano in Chinatown, in which the guy who planned the happy hour did not show up. To this day, I still have no idea who this man is. He is this imaginary happy hour planner who gathers people together for drinks but then doesn’t show. But this is besides the point.
I am dating this new guy, let’s call him New Guy for now. He asked me not to blog about him, but oh well. Lucky for him I have nothing excrutiatingly bad to say (yet), so he’s in he clear. Anyway, New Guy brings his roommate to this happy hour. Roommate met a girl a few days ago; he doesn’t really know her yet other than the fact that she is very skinny, but cute. Skinny Girl meets us at Vapiano. You know things are going to be comical when Roommate introduces me to Skinny Girl saying, “this is New Guy’s girlfriend.” Really? To my knowledge, we have only been going on for about a month. We all had a good laugh, Roommate profusely apologized, and we moved on.
As the night progresses, we are starting to realize that Skinny Girl is, well, crazy. She won’t tell anyone where she works, so automatically we think she is a stripper. She proceeds to touch everyone, clearly not grasping the concept of personal space. After some time, Roommate comes to the conclusion that she is crazy, so proceeds to make a getaway. Skinny Girl was having none of this. She follows him into the mens bathroom, into the stall even, and won’t leave until she finally gets kicked out. She proceeds to talk to him while putting her hands around his throat in the strangling position, scratching him on the neck and everything. And I thought I had gone on dates with some interesting individuals.
Let’s get to the punchline.
Before this psycho strangling scene unraveled, a few of us were sitting around eating some pasta. Clearly, Skinny Girl must have been hungry, because she hadn’t even met my friend Rachel, but that didn’t stop her from asking Rachel if she could have a bite. Rachel so appropriately told her that she could, but only if she got her own fork. Skinny Girl got her own fork and dug in. I knew things were about to get ugly when I saw Skinny Girl eyeing my plate. No less than five minutes later, she is behind me, sitting entirely too close to New Guy. Next thing I know, I see her hand grabbing the fork off my plate. It was like slow motion. She prods the chicken but doesn’t want that, moves onto a few frigatelli curls at nine o’clock. I hear New Guy gasping and making an attempt to stop her. I hear Mo to my right telling my friend V, “this is not good, Sara is incredibly OCD.” After prodding around in my plate a bit, this is when Skinny Girl decides that it is appropriate to ask me if she can have a bite. How does one answer this question? She must have seen the look of utter devastation on my face because this is when she reassures me by saying, “don’t worry, I don’t have germs…I just went to the doctor.” Well phew, that clears things up for me – dig in!
Skinny Girl has a small bite and then continues to stalk other pasta dishes. V, realizing I am OCD, was kind enough to get me another fork. We tried to slyly switch forks so that Skinny Girl wasn’t offended. No matter, she saw it anyway. Regardless, I am happy to annouce that I did finish the meal, thanks to a few kind hearted individuals.
A friend who had left earlier did not finish her entire pasta dish, and this was still on the table. The dish had been sitting there for at least a good hour. However, this did not detract Skinny Girl from going in for the kill on that dish. Roommate, at this point, was devastated and managed to stop her. This was actually right before the strangling scene proceeded. Maybe now it’s more clear to you why Roommate was trying to get away from her.