guest blog post

Clearly, I need to get back into online dating immediately. And yes, it would only be for the blog. Because I’d like to introduce another new friend to the blog. We stole her from ABG. She moved to DC from Arlington and now I’d like to indoctrinate her into UBG as soon as possible, because she’s actually kind of cool (unlike the rest of ABG). For those who don’t recall, UBG is the U Street Bike Gang which I and 15 others are a member of. ABG is our competitor, the Arlington Bike Gang. They don’t roll as deep but they may be a little more serious about biking. Anyway, this new friend (or acquaintance, depending upon how you look at it) also bikes so that is a plus; we need more serious bikers in UBG to compete with ABG. But I’m digressing yet again. Allow me to introduce Gwyneth. Gwyneth, welcome, and thank you thank you THANK YOU for this material.

Gwyneth was catching up on my blog and upon reading it, realized she has very similar online dating material. In fact, just two days ago, she received a very compelling email from a guy she went on an hour long date with. His blog name will be Jonathob (see below). You see, Gwyneth didn’t really feel any chemistry with Jonathob so immediately put the kabosh on the date without further adieu. And with good reason. Take for example this string of text messages sent after said date, which generated absolutely no response from Gwyneth but yet still drew more text messages from him.

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Correct me of I’m wrong, ladies, but isn’t it common practice to just not respond to someone whom you went on an hour long date with and were not interested in? Granted, it would be nice to respond with an “I’m not interested,” but that is awkward and weird. Better to just ignore the text. However, when you start to get text bombed like this, you may want to just respond with a simple “unsubscribe,” or maybe even my old time favorite that can be utilized when you no longer want to be included in a group text, “STOP.”

But it doesn’t end here. After not responding to ANY of the above text messages, Gwyneth received the following email from Jonathob. She received this little piece of heaven not a week, not one month, but two…I repeat, TWO months after their date. Clearly, she made an impression on him.

Hi. So, I was just reflecting on my recent experiences on this website, and I just wanted to say I think it’s kind of lame that we didn’t meet up again. It seemed like we both had a really good time when we met up. I’m pretty hilarious, and even though you are way too serious about everything, it seemed like you liked sudoku, which is obviously very important.
.
Wait, WHAT. There is so much going on in that last sentence that we must take a minute to reflect.
  • I’m pretty hilarious [does not necessitate commentary]
  • You are way too serious about everything [way to throw down the compliments buddy! That’ll get a girl!]
  • Even though you are way too serious about life, you like sudoku. [I had no idea playing sudoku wins points in the eyes of the opposite sex. Will start playing tomorrow.]

Let’s continue.

My current working theory on why you didn’t respond to my texts was that you may be one of those people with weird rules, like don’t right [really?] after meeting, wait X days, etc. I don’t really care for that type of rule — I can tell pretty quickly if I like someone or not — so I don’t see the point of playing the waiting game. I was in a bit of a weird place though at that time, so I probably came off overly aggressive in my texts, though I think that was mainly because I am pretty sensitive and took it personally when I didn’t hear back. I wouldn’t be interested in dating somebody who couldn’t take ten seconds to tell me they liked meeting me, but we still could have met up as friends afterwards (not to imply you’re not hot, just that you’re probably not sensitive enough about other people for me.
.
It’s common practice for people to analyze why someone didn’t call them back or to guess what happened, but Jonathob chose to actually vocalize it to the person who was doing the ignoring. Does he think this email will get him somewhere? Perhaps garner a response? What exactly was the point of this email?
.
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Generally, I feel like my opinion about things is usually right, and I want to improve the world, and make people think, so I am happy to broadcast it.
.
Oh! He’s trying to make the world a better place. He is usually right, and obviously he is right by demanding that Gwyneth respond to his texts and emails. I bet when she didn’t respond to this email, it simply infuriated him more.
.
I’m not expecting a response and I’m not planning to write again, I just feel like it’s lame that two people who seemed to enjoy meeting up couldn’t do so again for whatever reason.
Good luck with stuff. I did enjoy meeting you, even though I think your text-ignoring behavior was pretty lame. And I hope this message finds you well and doesn’t come across as sour grapes or anything weird, just figured I’d share my two cents, because I am full of riches and I enjoy being a beacon of light in the world.
-Jonathob
.
And this, folks, is just another example of what we women have to look forward to dating in DC. Hilarious, sensitive, soduko loving beacons of light just trying to make the world a better place by responding to a text message.
.
I’ll get back on okcupid tomorrow.
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8 Responses to guest blog post

  1. Dave's Sister says:

    Good lord, this blog post just made my morning. That is hilarious. I recently ventured back into the land of online dating, and among the messages I have gotten was this gem, from a “gentleman” on Plenty of Fish:

    “hi i liked your profile your hot we should meet up sometime for dinner or a movie no sex.”

    Charming.

    • Sara says:

      Girl! I have not tried POF yet. Will consider that site as well as you have effectively demonstrated there are guys just ripe for the picking on that one. My mom is also trying to get me on one of those Christian dating sites. Because clearly I should date another born again Christian.

      • Dave's Sister says:

        I wasn’t too much of a fan of the interface of POF – I like OK Cupid better for the free ones, although I’ve had the best luck on eHarmony – but it does have a decent following. I’ve found some overlap between the two free ones too, which is super easy for stalking if they use the same username on both. I found the new interest on POF but he had an OKC profile I stalked. (And good lord…that is hilarious. I’m surprised my mom hasn’t suggested that for me. Tell her you’re going on JDate.)

  2. deane says:

    Sara,

    Your guest post was awesome. Way to go, Gwyneth! Looking forward to catching up at UBG. I was reading this aloud this morning, and the wifey and I couldn’t really agree about proper technique. She sided with you, that it’s sometimes better just to say you’re not interested, then the calls/texts cease pretty immediately. Anyway, here’s the other side of the coin – a guy’s perspective:

    I met a girl at a friend’s birthday party, and we chatted for a while. We exchanged numbers, and maybe a week later we met up for drinks. It went well, and we decided to go out again. We had five dates over the course of two weeks. I then went to New York for the weekend to visit a friend. Before I left, she offered to pick me up from the airport when I got back.

    So the whole time I was in New York, I was thinking, gosh, this is going pretty well… maybe I’ll get her some chocolates to bring back, as a thank-you for picking me up. Had a blast in New York, got to the airport, and texted to let her know the details of my arrival. No response. Arrived back home. Still nothing. I called and got no answer. That’s fine, I thought, I’ll just cab it home – maybe something had come up. Over the course of the next several days, I texted a few times to see what was up – to offer the chocolates I’d picked up, to see if everything was okay, etc., with no responses to anything.

    I get it, I thought, she doesn’t want to talk to me. But I didn’t know why, or how it had happened, or what had changed from the previous five dates, all of which had seemed to go pretty well. It was clear that she didn’t want to continue communicating, but that was all I was getting, which was actually kind of aggravating. I went from confused to concerned to annoyed, then back to confused. We haven’t spoken since.

    I think you and the wife are right – I would definitely have preferred for her to have told me straight up she just wasn’t interested.

    • Sara says:

      Deane – thank you for your comment. I would like to refer you to Gwyneth’s response below, as she took the words right ouf of my mouth. Definitely depends on the number of times you have gone out with someone, and/or sleepover factor. For example, I met a guy on eharmony during a recent eharm run you may recall. We went out three times, he met some UBG members; I basically thought he was ‘the one’ and this was it (I may get a bit carried away too quickly as you can see). Well, then he just never called again. Three dates and nothing?! But he was a horrible kisser so probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run anyway. Needless to say, I also thought it was odd he just dropped off the face of the planet. To this day, I have no idea what became of him. I did, however, see him on the metro one day from afar, so it became obvious that he didn’t flee to Colombia or anything of that nature. So yes, as Gwyneth’s lays out below, there is a threshold for when a “not interested” merits an explanation. Otherwise, ignore ignore ignore. Especially if they appear to be whack jobs like the one portrayed in this post.

      See you this weekend. I MAY have invited ABG to the UBG gathering. Sh*t’s gonna go down.

  3. Gwyneth says:

    Deane,

    Thanks for the welcome! I see your points, definitely. It is polite and mature to let someone know when you are not interested in dating them. And after I got the first ‘concerned’ text, I actually thought for a few minutes, or 5 seconds, that I might return Jonathob’s text to let him know I wasn’t feeling it. I apparently decided against that route, and stuck with being an asshole.

    That said, there must be a rule around the length of the dating period and when a person is entitled to a “I’m just not interested” text/call/email. In your case, the girl offered to pick you up from the airport! Plus, you had five dates. This definitely calls for some type of communication. A one-time online date? Nope. I think the Goodbye Rule should be that if you have three dates with someone, they are entitled to a ‘see ya’ text. The Goodbye Rule also applies if Date 1 or 2 led to a sleep-over. These are the parameters that I plan to stick with going forward.

    Looking back, I think a response from me would have only garnered more texts from Jonathob and dragged the horrendous experience out longer, so I am happy with my decision. Also, I personally would prefer no response than a text from a guy telling me he is not into me. At least then I can pretend he got hit by a bus or was extradited to another country instead of knowing I wasn’t up to par.

    Ok, back to OKC.

    Gwyneth

  4. JK says:

    Booooooo Gwyneth for leaving ABG (i have no idea who Gwyneth is).

    Anyway, great post! At first, all I saw was Jonathob was named so b/c he was a heartthrob named Jonathon. Ooops.

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