[Spoiler alert: this is a semi-depressing post. I know everyone wants the upbeat, funny posts all the time…but you gotta take the good with the bad. I am a Leo afterall…I have a flare for the dramatic. However, not to worry, I will post some 2010 highlights or something to cap off the year and bring in the new one soon. But writing this helps me sort things out, so here you go.]
You know what? I have a problem moving on. This must be rectified in 2011. It is soon to be a new year…and it’s time to move on. No one likes change; change is hard. But it is time for change.
I haven’t posted in a while; I haven’t posted about Christmas, how I went home for the holidays, how I avoided the storm in order to be back to work on Monday, even though I love snow…I love acting like a kid and sledding and not having to go to work. And there have been funny things that have happened to me that are worth a post…I mean, this is my life afterall…but recently I’ve really been thinking about how I’ve messed things up.
I know I’ve been posting a lot about going on eHarmony dates. You know, I really just got on that site in the first place to get over someone. Well, it’s not working. No matter what I do, I always realize how much I miss him and wished I hadn’t messed things up in the first place. But you can’t change the past. I did what I did at the time, and I did it for a reason, and I can’t change it. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong. At the time it felt right, sort of, but something was off. I always questioned if I had made the right decision. And now I don’t believe that I did. Regardless, I did make a decision, and now I need to move on. There is no more ‘us.’ He has moved on, and I need to as well. I don’t know why I thought I could just go on eHarmony and I’d find the love of my life. That is not even possible if you haven’t gotten over someone. I know this. Maybe I figured it would take my mind off him; and it has. But when it really comes down to it, right now I can’t even imagine myself with anyone else. I know that sounds crazy, it’s been forever since we even officially dated; but I am still in love with someone else.
So…this is a new year. And I’m moving on. I made a mistake, and I forgive myself for making that mistake; it is a lesson learned. No more dates, no eHarmony. I’m just going to forget about this person and be happy, because I am happy. I have an amazing group of friends and family, a great job, and love my life. The only source of negativity in 2010 has been this, because I haven’t been able to let you go. But I have to now, and I will. I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy. I love you and I miss you, but I am letting you go.