Marry Him: The Case for Settling (review)

Well, this isn’t actually a review since I haven’t read the book. That being said, apparently this book is all the discussion recently. I don’t normally read this crap, but a coworker sent a CNN link to me in which the author is interviewed, and I for one, based on what she says in this interview, agree with her. I think people probably misinterpret what she means by “settling.” I, obviously, don’t believe in settling, otherwise I would probably be married right now. However, some people do take it to an extreme. No one is perfect, you are not going to find someone who is 100% what you are looking for, and you do have to make relationships work. The key, I think, is to finding someone who makes you happy, cares about you, and meets your core requirements. But there is obviously so much more that goes into it.

Clearly, I am no expert on relationships being that I am still single, but at 31, I do have some experience in the dating world and know what I am looking for at this age. And if I don’t find it, life will go on, and I probably won’t settle. At least for now, I can’t see myself settling down unless I find someone who I am happy with. Will he be “the one?” I don’t know. Does “the one” actually exist? Being a romantic, I wish I could answer that with a “yes,” but these days I am not so sure. I do have older friends who have told me that they would settle, so maybe this concept will gain more traction as I age.

I think that maybe the author, Lori Gottlieb, got slack for specifically applying this settling mentality to women, and that women need to do the settling. I see it both ways though; it can apply both to women and to men. Unfortunately, and especially in DC, it seems that men have more choices and options in choosing a partner. I do like how the author notes in the CNN interview that people who are holding out to find that “perfect person” are actually depressed. This is definitely true; I know someone who has this mentality and is/was depressed over it.

Another coworker just mentioned the “Catch 22” that someone may deal with when they are happy with the person they were with, but think that there could be someone better out there for them. So that person will break it off with their significant other only to realize down the road that they miss them and took them for granted. If they had stayed together, would that be settling? With that, I will refer you to one of my favorite songs by Goapele, ironically called “Catch 22.” Here are the lyrics:

Nobody knows what I go through
Indecisions made me passive
They say I want my cake and I want to eat it too
Less satisfied if I don’t, consequences when I do
These lessons, they lead me on my way
But when company is tempting me, I’m turned around
But I might wanna go that way,
Don’t wanna go that way

Well, it’s a catch 22
Damned if I don’t, Damned if I do
Yes, it’s a catch 22
Damned if I don’t, Damned if I do

How many times does it take to learn just one thing,
’cause I keep ending up here
And I’m not a scientist so I just keep on praying that I won’t
Keep getting the same results each day
I said that I can’t be with you
But when you turn away I pull back your hands to stay
(your hands to stay)
So many days turn to years
That brought us here
And we (shied) through time without too many tears
But we still made decisions creating divisions
So many contradictions,
Why didn’t we listen?

Well, it’s a catch 22(catch 22)
Damned if I don’t, Damned if I do
Yes, it’s a catch 22
Damned if I don’t, Damned if I do
( I’m damned if I don’t, I’m damned if I do)

‘Cause when I see you looking at her
I can’t stand it, my eyes can’t conceive
You gave her the smile you gave to me
I love you selfishly
I can’t feel so strongly
Oh, how you (throw) me
But still you know me
Oh, you know me

So what do you guys think of this whole “settling” concept and the catch 22?

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One Response to Marry Him: The Case for Settling (review)

  1. Jean says:

    Did you mean to say “got flack”, not “got slack?” That sentence made no sense.

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