And this is why I have zero interest in match.com

I may have mentioned earlier that my dearest friend Mo is currently utilizing the services of our old faithful, match.com. Well, she just forwarded me this message from an eligible suitor. He had me at “happy new years,” how about you guys? Get BACC at me.

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEARS?? (being i didn’t know you at the time…lol)
DID YOU BRING IN 2010 WITH A BANG??

I’M CURIOUS TO KNOW YOUR NAME SO I’M THINKING….YOUR MIDDLE NAME MUST BE AVON ( u looking in awe like wat the fu** is he talking about??) I’M TALKING ABOUT IT SEEMS AS THOUGH YOUR SKIN’S SO SOFT. IT WAS KIND OF WACC BUT I NEEDED TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE SO YOU CAN ENJOY THE REST OF THE NOTE.I MUST FIRST START BY SAYING. IM SOOOO IN LOVE WIT YOUR SEXY ASS LIPS….CAN I HAVE A KISS PLEASEEEEE!!!…LOL I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO PRAISE YOUR BEAUTY AND SEXINESS OR TO START TELLING YOU ABOUT MYSELF.

BUT ANWAY……
HOW ARE YOU DOING GORGEOUS? I’M 27 I’LL BE 28 JUNE 26TH …. I’M LOCATED IN THE STAFFORD VA AREA SOMETIMES CHILLEN IN THE WOODBRIDGE VA AREA…ORIGINALLY FROM BROOKLYN NY. BUT SOON TO MOVE NOT SURE WHERE YET. WHERE DO I BEGIN….HMMM…LOL
A DETAIL DESCRIPTION OF MYSELF WOULD BE: IM 6’2, DARK BROWN SKIN, LOW CUT WITH SPINNING WAVES, HEART SHAPED LIPS, TEETH STRAIGHT AND PEARLY WHITE, BROWN EYES THAT CHANGE COLOR RUNS IN MY FAMILY NO THEY ARE NOT CONTACTS, LEFT EAR PIERCED, 7 TATTOOS, 3 TATTOOS ON EACH ARM AND ONE BIG ONE ON THE ENTIRE LEFT SIDE OF MY BACC, 163LBS…SLIM BUT ATHELETIC BUILT, NO KIDS. I’M A CANCER SO MY ZODIAC SIGN IS THE 69 ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE POSITION SO U KNO I HAVE SUM FREAK IN ME. I’M PART GERMAN AND JAMAICAN. I USED TO ATTEND HAMPTON UNIVERSITY~I ATTENDED NOVA COMMUNITY COLLGE FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO I DIDN’T GRADUATE AS YET…MY MAJOR WAS BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION WITH A MINOR IN MASSAGE THERAPY..YES I’M GOOD WIT MY HANDS. SOFT GENTLE TOUCH MY HANDS ARE SOFT. MY LIPS ARE SOFT AS WELL.. VERY AFFECTIONATE. ” SORRY ” NOT TO VEER OFF THE SUBJECT BUT I NOW ATTEND CENTURA COLLEGE IN ALEXANDRIA VA MAJORING IN MEDICAL ASSISTANT….I GRADUATE IN JUNE WHAT YOU GETTING ME LOL….I NEED TWO PRESENTS CAUSE MY BIRTHDAY AND MY GRADUATION ;-P LMAO
YOU WOULDN’T FIND ANY DISAPPOINTMENT HERE ON THIS END. I CAN DRESS MY ASS OFF WHICH I SEE YOU GET FLY YOURSELF. I CAN DANCE MY ASS OFF AS WELL. I HAVE A LICENSE HOWEVER I NO LONGER OWN A CAR. BUT HOPEFULLY WITH MY TAX RETURN I CAN GET BACK ROLLING AGAIN IT’S REALLY NO BIGGIE TO ME I’LL CAB IT, AMTRAK IT, GREYHOUND IT LMAO.
ALSO I’M AN INDEPENDANT ARTIST THAT RAPS AND DO A LITTLE A&R WORK. I’M LOOKING TO SCOUT SOME TALENT SO HOLLA AT ME IF YOU GOT IT.
A FEW MORE QUALITIES AND LIKES I WOULD LIKE TO ADD ABOUT MYSELF WOULD BE…LET’S SEE FIRST OFF THE BREAK i have NO KIDS}}}}}} I FEEL I’M AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN WITH THAT QUALITY ABOUT ME….LMAO!! I LOVE PLAYING CHESS. I SHOOT POOL. I LOVE SHOPPING. IM A TALKATIVE TYPE OF GUY SO I DONT MIND LONG CONVERSATIONS…(as you can see lol) SO U CAN ADD TALKING ON THE PHONE. I PLAY A FEW VIDEO GAMES HERE AND THERE. I LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES OR CUDDLE UP AND MAKE IT A BLOCKBUSTER NITE. I COOK AND I CLEAN BUT THAT’S BECAUSE I’M A NEAT FREAK. I CAN’T GET COMFORTABLE UNLESS EVERYTHING IS STRAIGHT. I’M SPONTANEOUS AND ADVENTUROUS AND DOWN TO TRY ANYTHING AT LEAST ONCE. ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNO JUST GET AT ME.
IF IT’S POSSIBLE FOR US TO EXCHANGE NAMES AND NUMBERS?? REASON I ASK IS BECAUSE MY COMPUTER AT HOME IS A LITTLE CHOPPED AND SCREWED IN THE WORDS OF T-PAIN AND IT IS TOO DIFFICULT TO BREAK MY BALLS (excuse the term) TO GET TO THE LIBRARY JUSS TO SEND EMAILS BACC AND FORTH. SO THAT’S WHY I TRIED TO GET YOU COMFORTABLE WITH ME IN ONE BIG LUMPSOME AND IF YOU REALLY READ THIS NOTE I APPRECIATE YOUR TIME CAUSE BELIEVE YOU ME IT TOOK A HOT LIL MINUTE TO TYPE BUT I TALK THE SAME WAY SO I DONT MIND THE LONG PHONE CONVERSATIONS…..I UNDERSTAND YOU MAY BE A LITTLE LIERY BECAUSE IT IS THE INTERNET BUT UNDERSTAND I’M IN THE MAKING OF BEING A BIG TIME SUPERSTAR I PLAN ON BEING ON B.E.T. AND M.T.V. IN THE NEAR FUTURE. NOT AMERICAS MOST WANTED OR DATELINE. THEREFORE YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SOME CRAZY ASS STALKER OR NOTHING TO THAT EFFECT. IF YOUR NOT FEELING THE CONVERSATION OR WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER I’LL KINDLY DELETE THE NUMBER AND GET LOST WITH NO PROBLEMS. IT WOULD BE UP TO YOU NAH MEAN THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT. I KNOW THE NOTE IS LONG BUT UNDERSTAND I’M A TALKATIVE PERSON SO I APOLOGIZE THAT YOU HAD TO READ SO MUCH LIKE U STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL TAKING THE SAT. GET AT ME THOUGH!!! MATTER FACT YOU CAN HIT ME ON MY CELL ANYTIME. IF I DONT ANSWER LEAVE A MESSAGE. CRIB- XXX-XXX-XXXX  CELL- XXX-XXX-XXXX MY GOV’T NAME IS PAUL GET AT ME I’M A BE LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU. WHAT’S GOOD WIT A NUMBER I CAN REACH YOU AT…???

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6 Responses to And this is why I have zero interest in match.com

  1. Shamone says:

    THANKS MAH FOR CHANGING MY GOV’T NAME IN YOUR BLOG. SO WHAT’S GOOD WIT UR NUMBER…??? I NEVER GOT A CALL OR AN EMAIL FROM MO. I DON’T WANT TO RAMBLE ON TOO LONG IN YOUR COMMENTS. DID I MENTION THAT I’M THE TALKATIVE TYPE?

    BUT ANYWAY… I HAVE TO GO TO MY MEDICAL ASSISTING CLASS. THIS MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY IS SO CONFUSING. IT’S LIKE ANOTHER LANGUAGE. LMAO

  2. Wheels says:

    I’m already annoyed without reading it. Did he seriously write in all caps?

  3. Eebs says:

    Mo I hope you called him bacc. He sounds like ever girls dream, bling, B.E.T. aspirations, and a license! You don’t come across guys like that everyday.

    haha this is by far the best post!

  4. Nicole says:

    Whenever I’d read a little and think to myself “Oh he’s not that bad,” then he’d say something else and I’d be like “Yes, he is that bad.” And the all caps. Seriously? Dealbreaker!

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