So a few girlfriends and I just signed up for four minute dating. I am pretty pumped about it simply because it is going to give me TONS of new blogging material. I won’t go into detail about date, location, and activities involved for fear that the stalkers might go and try to figure out who I really am. But on a related front, we have a guest blogger folks….on this very same topic. Because you know lots of good stories can come out of this one. So….I give you “Michelle.” Enjoy!
Speed Annoyance… aka Speed Dating
First I’d like to start off by saying I would have NEVER done this had a close friend not insisted on it and it wasn’t free. Oh and there was an hour of free booze at the end. A girl’s gotta drink, right??
So, my 3 girlfriends and I are walking in from a bar next door (we all needed a drink to calm our nerves before going in because let’s face it, hot or not, it’s a little nervewracking to know you’ll be going on 15 dates in the span of an hour) and I fell right in front of the bars doorway. I’m not even drunk yet, so surely this is going to be a long night… So I fall and we all laugh because people falling is always funny. What wasn’t funny was the jerk standing outside who proceeds to scream “NO ONE SAW” at which point anyone who didn’t see is now staring at me on all fours. Great.
We walk up to the sign-in guy, give him our names and get our sheet of paper. The “rules” are you write down each person’s name next to their number, take some notes and at the end circle yes/no next to each person. A few days later they email you a link and you log into a site and check out who you matched with and who picked you… for the record, if no one chooses me I’m joining a convent. Anyway… they sit us down and line the men up along the wall (think back to middle school dances with girls on one side and guys on the other) and explain the rules again just in case you don’t know how to read or the concept of talking to someone and deciding they’re cool/not cool is too much for your brain to grasp. I decide I am going to be nice to every single one of them because shit, they put themselves out there so good for them! Let the dating begin!
P-feety – He told “M” (the one responsible for this whole fiasco) he enjoys getting manicures once every 3 weeks because a guys hands have to get dirty sometimes. He also hates pedicures because he can’t handle having his feet touched. Ok… is this some sort of reverse fetish??
Peter, Paul & Mary – where do I even begin with this guy? His man-bob was accentuated with two completely gray sideburns and a nice set of glasses. Right off the bat he asks “so what is your favorite thing about living in DC?”. I answer the nightlife to which he probably has no idea what I am referring to unless his local library puts on some exciting evening read-a-thons. Next question – what am I looking for in a relationship? First thought – “not you” but I answer that I’m not looking for one and I just go with the flow. That is followed by my favorite “so what do you do besides being incredibly sexy?” Wow guy, ease up. He then proceeds to ask me what the most romantic thing I’ve ever done was – Whistle!! Peace out creepster… I later find out he said the EXACT same thing to each of us hahahaha PS he was a close talker and I have never felt my personal space so invaded. “A” (another of my girlfriends) chatted him up afterwards – match???
Erick – WITH A K! (he made sure I knew how to spell it, thank you. Do you also want to show me how to circle NO next to your name??) The guy has like 5 degrees and one of them is in douche baggery. Apparently I have a lot of testosterone in me due to the fact that my ring finger is longer than my pointer finger. Yep, he talked about hand formation in the womb. He is also either gay or bi. There is no way this guy is straight hetero. No, I’m not making judgements on the way he dressed, I’m making judgements based on the fact that he seemed to be hitting on the guys more so than any of the girls. He did have a nice pair of Sambas on so points for being into soccer my friend. NEXT!
Blake – the non surfing, ultimate Frisbee playing, Redskins loving, baby-faced cutie pie. All of us loved this kid. Total sweetheart and adorable and I’ll admit, I gave this guy a yes because he’d be fun to hit the bars with… if I like frequenting places like Ballroom.
Dante – He lives in NE DC and has 2 pit bulls names Soza and Corleone (shocker, he loves gangster movies) and “works out when he can” – apparently he must be doing the same work out that my co-worker does because he looked like he hadn’t even seen the outside of a gym in a while. Clearly he works out by shoveling food into his mouth. But he did share my love for Michael Vick (shut up haters) so I have to give him some credit for that and yes, I called him Dante’s Inferno. I couldn’t resist.
Chris 1 – He partakes in a “sport” called parcor (sp?) – street gymnastics. These guys do gymnastics on random shit laying around and he recently broke his foot because he did a flip over a picnic table. Cool. Jackass called and they have a position open for you!! He also has both ears pierced. I’m not even going to touch that one…
Chris 2 – Did not say more than 4 words during our “date” but afterwards wouldn’t shut the hell up when we walked over to his table to chat. He circled yes for all of us and sorry guy, the feeling wasn’t mutual.
Jim – Nicely dressed but it was pretty much over the minute he sat down. I guess he didn’t read the part about it being for people between 25-35 cause this guy was at least my dad’s age. Jim has over 100 female friends, plays tennis and likes meeting new people. He also likes to go tanning judging by his George Hamilton-esque color. I’ll give my mom your number dude.
Frank – we both work for the same company which thrilled him to no end. I kid you not the kid was fascinated that we both work for a well-known government contractor. He also loves Long Island Ice Teas and looked like a mini-member of the Gotti family but at least we talked soccer for a bit. He “bumped” my gfs iPhone so now she’s got a potential stalker. Better you than me my dear!
Neil – aww you gotta love Neil for being out there. He’s my little brother’s size (probably smaller) and talked so fast I couldn’t understand half the crap that came out of his mouth. I did manage to catch that he’s a lawyer working for a federal agency. And that’s about all I can say for Neil.
David – he couldn’t have acted any more dis-interested in the whole thing if you had paid him to. I did learn that he lived in Chicago for 3 years but he has no concept of the city because he kept talking about Wrigley being in the suburbs. Uh what? It’s in the middle of the damn city dude. NEXT!
Jason – super cool. I’d definitely go out for a couple of beers with this kid. He has a pretty cool job (well, cooler than all the engineers and lawyers I met) and had a great sense of humor but was friends with Erick (with a K!) so I had to deduct some points for that. He did call out the “hot messes” though. Thanks!
Alex – Rocked the sport coat, nice guy but there was something about him that screamed “I have issues.” I dunno though, I’m not the best judge of character judging by the last couple of winners I dated and the fact that I actually thought Erick (with a K!) was cute when I first walked in…
Peng – Strong resemblance to William Hung but with glasses. That’s about all I can say about Peng besides he likes tennis and he loves my friend “M”.
I think I’ll try Jewish speed dating next…