I live Office Space

I am venting.  I have to because my co-worker Laura who I used to vent to is no longer working here, and I don’t know how else to relieve this tension.  So, many of you may have already heard me complain about this wonderful individual, but if not, I have this simply delightful man in the cube next to me.  I know his entire life story.  So far today, I have been graced with his annoying, obnoxious cough every 1 minute, and now he is on the phone with his girlfriend (God help her…why would anyone date him?  But that’s another story).  So now I know the precise location of his set of keys, and he has said the word “keys” about 15 times already which is getting to be incredibly annoying.  So now I am forced to wonder where he has been all summer. [He just coughed.  He likes people to feel bad for him when he’s talking on the phone; at one point he thought he had lung cancer…I could go on and on here.] [He just coughed again…before I could even write anything else].  I have been lucky enough [cough] that he has not been in the office for long periods of time all summer.  So, I am forced to believe: (1) he actually has lung cancer – he went for the PET Scan and everything a few months ago; (2) he was visiting his ex-girlfriend in the Pennsylvania penitentiary (another long story); (3) he was visiting his parents in Florida who are old and senile; (4) he had some issue with his daughter (she hung up on him a few times a few weeks ago, to my enjoyment); or (5) he has moved his senile parents from Florida to live with him.  Call me crazy, but I think living with him or anywhere near him would make one more senile than they had been before they moved.  Shockingly, I have not yet heard where he has been all summer.  But just know that it has been a great vacation.  But he’s back, so Sara will again be wearing headphones.  You gotta love cube life.

P.S.  He hasn’t coughed in a good five minutes now (because he’s not on the phone).  He must be really really sick.
P.P.S.  This is only touching on the surface of the many stories I have about this man.  Stay tuned.


One Response to I live Office Space

  1. JK says:

    *cough* WHERE ARE MY KEYS *cough*

    my own anecdote: i have a coworker who likes to yell out, “it’s one big circle jerk!” i don’t think he knows what that really means b/c he said it directly to my boss yesterday.

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