I am venting. I have to because my co-worker Laura who I used to vent to is no longer working here, and I don’t know how else to relieve this tension. So, many of you may have already heard me complain about this wonderful individual, but if not, I have this simply delightful man in the cube next to me. I know his entire life story. So far today, I have been graced with his annoying, obnoxious cough every 1 minute, and now he is on the phone with his girlfriend (God help her…why would anyone date him? But that’s another story). So now I know the precise location of his set of keys, and he has said the word “keys” about 15 times already which is getting to be incredibly annoying. So now I am forced to wonder where he has been all summer. [He just coughed. He likes people to feel bad for him when he’s talking on the phone; at one point he thought he had lung cancer…I could go on and on here.] [He just coughed again…before I could even write anything else]. I have been lucky enough [cough] that he has not been in the office for long periods of time all summer. So, I am forced to believe: (1) he actually has lung cancer – he went for the PET Scan and everything a few months ago; (2) he was visiting his ex-girlfriend in the Pennsylvania penitentiary (another long story); (3) he was visiting his parents in Florida who are old and senile; (4) he had some issue with his daughter (she hung up on him a few times a few weeks ago, to my enjoyment); or (5) he has moved his senile parents from Florida to live with him. Call me crazy, but I think living with him or anywhere near him would make one more senile than they had been before they moved. Shockingly, I have not yet heard where he has been all summer. But just know that it has been a great vacation. But he’s back, so Sara will again be wearing headphones. You gotta love cube life.
P.S. He hasn’t coughed in a good five minutes now (because he’s not on the phone). He must be really really sick.
P.P.S. This is only touching on the surface of the many stories I have about this man. Stay tuned.